Pregnancy hormones or just old wounds?

I am feeling totally flat and emotional night now. I keep think of the year I had last year and how much I hated everything about it, it feels like I am opening up old wounds and I am lying on the floor and I am bleeding out not wanting to help myself stop the bleeding.

I feel like crawling up into a little ball and praying that tomorrow would come and it would be a better and brighter day, but this hatred I feeling for this person that destroyed my first year with my son won't go away right now, and I feel that it is here to stay for awhile.

I really can think back to some of Lachlan's milestones without me think that, that man all most destroyed our family or that our family wasn't a family at one stage. And I don't know if he still feels badly about it as we have not talked about it again. But for some reason I feel like I don't have the courage to open my mouth and ask. I also don't know if this is just my hormones bringing this up or if this is just me reopening these wounds.

10 weeks, 2 days

Today is the day that my friend farewells her beautiful daughter Emilia. Emilia grew her wings on Valentines Day. I keep Emilia and her family in my heart today and prey that it is a beautiful day to give this Angel a beautiful send off.

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Just to add about the pregnancy.

I hate vomiting!

I hate the fact that my body wants to vomit when I have nothing in my stomach...sitting here writing it makes me want to vomit.

9 weeks, 2 days

We are getting closer to that 12 week mark and making this all official when we make it public!

I saw Dr Davis my OB on Tuesday (14th Feb) and I was given my NT referral for my 12 week scan which will be on the 9th of March (I will be 12 weeks and 3 days). He Also gave me my hospital booking form, when he did this he confirmed what DH and I have been discussing since I found out I was pregnant, I will be having an elective c-section.

DH and I thought that this would be the case due to how things went with my labour with Lachlan. And I didn't want to go through having a VBAC only to get ready to push again and told to have an emergency c-section again.

It does take the fun out of things as I will no the exact date that this bundle will be due (unless I go into labour before the date). Although DH and I have decided that we are not going to tell anyone the date, bar my parents as they will be looking after Lachlan on the day. It will keep some surprise for the rest of our families and friends.

On a morning sickness note I still have some but it seems to be getting a bit less which is nice.

Also in the world of Lachlan we officially have a walker! He started walking in his 14th month, it is nice that I don't have to carry him everywhere but it is tiring chasing him around lol

Heaven has gained another Angel

Emilia Jayne passed away yesterday in her Daddy's arms after fighting for 4 days. She passed away peacefully and without pain. Obviously the Tribe is absolutely devastated for Bek, her husband and her 2 little boys, and we are willing to offer any help that we can give them.


RIP EMILIA JAYNE
10th February 2010 - 14th February 2010

Say a prayer for Princess Emilia

The post is not going to be about me. I am not going to talk about my son, my DH, myself or my belly bub. This post is about a beautiful baby named Emilia who was born at 32 weeks and had a congenital heart defect and is currently fighting fo her life.

I met Emilia's mum through an online baby and pregnancy website as we were both in the same due in group. Bek is a beautiful young lady who speaks her mind and gets straight to the point in all our discussions. She is also a wealth of knowledge during pregnancy and with bringing up boys, as when I met her she already had one beautiful boy and was pregnant with her second while I was pregnant with Lachlan.

As the months went on we all started to have our babies starting in October and we moved on to our Facebook group which we all lovelying call 'The Trible', and in this tribe we have grown so much closer and have become more of a family the just friends that met over the Internet.

The Tribe has already been through so much together. We have been through relationship break ups, loss of loved ones, postnatal depression, depression, abuse, rape, sick children and other everyday concerns.

Beautiful Baby Emilia was meant to be born in April, but was born on 10th February at 12.36am by emergency c-section and now is fighting the biggest fight of her life. The Tribe is right behind her keeping her in our thoughts and prayers that she continues fighting. She has made it through one night, and every night she holds one is such a blessing to her family.

Could you please keep Princess Emilia in your thoughts and prayers.

8 weeks, 1 day - Scan day

I had my first scan today at 4.30pm I was nervous and excited all at the same time. DH and I got seen straight away and while I was laying on the bed and the lady was doing the ultrasound I could feel DH squeezing my tighter and tighter (he later told me that he was doing this because the ultrasound lady wasn't saying much and he had thought that we had lost the baby...thankfully he was wrong).

As the ultrasound lady was doing the measurements she got excited and showed us that bub was wriggling, and it was so amazing to see!! She measured the heart beat and it was a beautiful 160 bpm.

DH and I are so excited knowing that our precious little belly bub is perfect and growing strong. Our next scan is booked for the 9th March which is out NT scan.

7 weeks, 3 days

It has been a week and there isn't really all that much to report. I can tell you that the nausea is still constant and I have needed to take maxilon a couple of times either at night or in the middle of the night to help me sleep (the nausea with Lachlan was a walk in the park compared to this pregnancy). I am also continuing to be a couch/bed dweller because of the fatigue as I can't find any energy to do anything, which is really bad with a 1 year old.

Everything else seems to be going fine :) my boobs seem fuller, but that is about it. The first trimester is really the worry trimester as you are just wanting to make that 12 week mark. All the fun stuff doesn't really happen until the second trimester when you start to feel yourself and you get to feel the movements.

5 more days until we get to see belly bub!!