Spinning

I'm spinning. 

I am spinning uncontrollably and I can't breathe. I try to catch my breath but it is like my lungs can't fill with air.

This month brings back all sorts of bad memories that I am afraid to think about, but don't have the luxury of forgetting.

Some people ask me why I don't just let go and move on? But I just say it is not as easy as that.

On a good day I might be lucky to just get a whisper of anxiety and insomnia, but on a bad day I may get constant anxiety that will lead to panic attacks, nightmares and won't be able to get out of my bed. I feel like some days are a constant battle. 

I would give anything not to have this part of my life. I would give anything to have constant happiness in my life. 

But this was the life that I was dealt, and this is the life that I will need to make work....but not this month.

I have already taken 3 days off work this month and I have only been back to work for a month. I have seen my GP and he gave me this whole week off work to see if time will will get me out of this funk (my words not his), if not I have to go back to see him and we will talk about medication. 

I don't really want to go back on medication as it started to affect my liver last time, but if I need it to get me back on track, then that is what I will have to do.

We have a date!

M and I have decided when we are going to try for bub #3!!! So excited!!

We have had a discussion and have decided for the start of next year, whenever my first cycle is for 2014. 

So before then I am going to work on losing a lot more weight, to hopefully improve my chances of conceiving earlier. While doing so I am going to do a little more research into PCOS to see if there is anything else to improve my chances of conceiving. 

M and I are also going to look at moving into a bigger house. We have been thinking about doing it for awhile but just haven't got around to doing it just yet, so this is a great chance to do it. At the moment we are living in a 3 bedroom townhouse with not much of a backyard, also the backyard doesn't have a fence and the landlord refuses to put one up (apparently it is his choice if he puts one up or not). Ideally I would love a 4 bedroom house with a backyard so the kids can play safely.  

I have actually found one that I really life and it is near where my sister lives. It is about $100 more then we are paying here but we can afford it. I might see if we can inspect it...something to look forward too. 

Charlotte has also got her first tooth, it only took her 10 months lol. This new medication seems to have improved her symptoms as well. She has turned into a bright bubbly little girl and I am loving it!! We have her allergy testing in a couple of weeks so that will help with giving us a bit more leeway when coming to feeding her.

This and that

On Thursday (4/7/2013) we had Charlotte's paediatrician appointment with Dr G, Lachlan was an absolute dream and didn't play up at all, even Dr G and the reciptionst noticed, which makes me feel so proud of him.  

Charlotte is still sitting in the 10th percentile for weight, but not going any lower which is great. We also talked about getting her tested for allergies, which I am thankful that Dr G brought up because I was going to ask anyway. He said because we are still uncertain about why she she has gotten rashes when eating and also because we know about the milk and soy allergy we need to get a skin prick test. This test will take place on 25th July. 

Today our little fam is going out to get anew car seat for Lachlan. He is getting to big for his current seat and his head is now starting to sit above the seats head rest, which is reall dangerous if we get into an accident. 

I think I will take us all to a nice lunch as well. It has been a while since we have had a nice lunch out.