Turning Point

I have had a turning point, and it seems that I have only just come to accept. 

When Charlotte was in hospital with dehydration, I suddenly had this feeling, like a spark had gone off in my mind that enough was enough. This spark was telling me that I can't let my depression and my anxiety rule me any more, that it is has done enough by infecting my life, but I can't let it infect M's any more and I defiantly don't want it infecting my children's lives as well. 

Now I usually have these fleeting moments but they also come with something that drives them back into that dark hole from wench it came, but this time it has hung around. As I was preparing for my appointment with J (my psychologist), I was filled with excitement. 

I have been doing some researching on new exercises I can try and treatments (I will tell you about them once I have spoken to J) that I will talk to her about today when I have my appointment.  I think she will be very pleased to know about this turning point as the last few times that I have gone and seen her I have walked through the door and burst into tears. 

I know that I probably won't be able to move too quickly through these new options for my treatment, so I am prepared that it may take some time. I also remember that J mentioned that once I have overcome all my past and let go of it I may have some sort of post recovery period where things might get a bit worse, but I know if I can overcome this, then I can overcome anything!

A scary couple of days

I know in my last blog I reported that my little Charlie was going on to antibiotics for her throat and ear infection, well she has now been taken off them. 

On Thursday we had stated to notice that she was starting to go a little limp from exhaustion and we also assumed from dehydration as she had refused all solid food and fluids from Wednesday. It wasn't helping that she was still getting 39 and above temperatures as well.

M and I decided that it was best to take her to the Hospital even though we went to see the GP that morning. 

As it was raining M dropped Charlotte and I off at the emergency entrance (that is after we dropped Lachlan off my parents), at this stage Charlotte was getting worse and was basically limp in my arms. 

This was one of the most scariest mothering moments in my life. It felt that she had fought as hard as she could and she was now needing some help to get over the line. 

We got seen straight away, and were sent directly to the paediatric emergency ward where Charlotte was hooked up to monitoring equipment and had a cannula inserted into her foot (the only place they could find a workable vein) and was hooked up to her fluids. 

I wasn't able to let go of her I was so scared that something may be seriously wrong with her. 

They continuously checked her vital signs and her temp, which continued to be up around the 39's, and also asked for us to collect a urine sample, which was impossible as she hadn't had a wet nappy in over 24 hours. 


As the night continued on and the put up another bag of fluids and continue to give paracetamol every 4 hours, she became a bit cooler and she seem to struggle a lot less (although she was still asleep).

Once she woke, we started to test her with hydralyte to see if she would drink something, she slowly was starting to drink via a syringe. Which I started to have a little cry over as I had so much relief that she was starting to actually drink something. 

I talked the doctor about taking her home as she was now off the drip. They wanted to keep her over night, but as her immune system was already down I wanted to get her out of the Petri dish that was that hospital and home to where she could lie on my chest and we could snuggle. 

Thankfully they said yes, but told us that if she started to get dehydrated again we had to bring her straight in. 

Luckily that hasn't happened. She has started to have almost a full bottle again and has now started to have a couple of spoonfuls of rice cereal which is really great! She is still getting a temp every now and then and is still sleeping a lot, but hopefully she will be right as rain soon.

 I am going to ring her paediatrician on Monday to give him and update and see if there is anything else we need to do. 

Alright, I think it might be time to bed and this week has made me totally exhausted.   

In the last month

I have really neglected this blog in the last couple of weeks. I think it might be because a couple of things have been keeping me occupied. 

Two friends of mine A and D have separated in the last couple of months and they have have a 1 year old which just adds to everything. 

A decided that she had, had enough of D and left, without taking her daughter with her. So D became a single father, although they have since decided that A can see her during the day and on weekends. 

As they are both friends of mine I have been wanting to help them equally, but as soon as A found out I was talking to D she turned on me. She started to spread rumours about about me that have been really hurtful, she also has accused me of having an affair with D. 

Since then I have cut all communications with A as I really don't need that type of person in my life right now, especially since my mental health hasn't been great in the last month.

Also in things keeping me occupied my hours at work have somewhat increased. I am now doing 2 10 hour days and I am working the occasional day on the weekend. I have been a bit sad that I don't get to see my two babies that much on my 10 hour days, but it has helped us out financially as we have had some unexpected things pop up that needed to be paid for.

Today though I have taken the day off, my little Charlie Bear has had a high temp for the last two days (38.5 and above) and has been really lathargic, which is really hard to see. So today I took her to the Doctors and she has an ear and throat infection, so she has been put on antibiotics. 

Charlotte really hasn't gotten a break in the last month. She firstly got a cold which gave her a gross cough, she ended up passing this to Lachlan, but he recovered better then she did. Secondly, she had her skin prick test and it showed all negative, but she is still having an allergic reaction to soy and milk (so more investigations there). Thirdly, she had a trail run off her Nexium, but it looks like she still has reflux as she was projectile vomiting, very unsettled and was arching her back, so we put her back on the Nexium. 

Hopefully next month is better.