Exhausted

I am physically and mentally exhausted. The moment I think I am on top of something, everything comes crashing back down again. 

I needed to ring Dr G this morning, because once again Charlotte's new formula is not working and it is making her vomit once again. In the back of my mind when he said for us to try this other formula I knew it wasn't going to work for us as it didn't work the first time around, but I thought I would give it the benefit of the doubt as I am very much into "Whatever it takes" right now. But low and behold I should have gone with my mummy instincts and told Dr G that it wasn't going to work for her and that we should try something else. 

Why can't things just be easy for Charlotte, why can't she just be given some kind of break for once...because in turn this would give me a break. 

I know that I am her mother, and I love her to bits, and I would never want to give her up, but...I really need a break. All this constant crying and whinging is really getting to me. The crying and the whinging has been the one constant in her life, and in my life since she was born...and I know that she can't help it, and that she has no other way to communicate, but I really just wish it would stop. I feel like I am going crazy.

There is a lot of people, mainly M who say that I should have a break from her, but it is really hard for me to let anyone else take over. I feel as though that they won't be able to handle here and that my break will be short lived and they will constantly call me or message me asking questions or asking when I will be coming back. Or when  I do come back I will hear them whinge and complain about her and how she was with them, and I don't really want that, I don't want to put people in the same situation I am in if I don't have too. 

So here I am...exhausted, and here I will stay.