As the title suggests i think Lachlan's birth is starting to sink in. I thought i was fine with what went on but for some reason when i think about what happened i start to get a bit anxious. Every time i think of the sound the monitor that was monitoring Lachlan's heart beat as it dropped so low that it started to alarm, or when i think about how they rolled me on my side after the epidural kicked in, i was in so much pain as Lachlan became so distressed It makes me so anxious. There is also other things that make me anxious as well like when i was in the operating theatre as i was losing so much blood and feeling that i would drop Lachlan when he was on my chest as i felt i was going in and out of consciousness, also when Michael and Lachlan left my side when i pasted out from the blood loss.
I also hated the loss of control that felt when i had the c-section, or the guilt i felt when i could no longer breast feed Lachlan, i felt that i was not giving him the best start to the world. All these feelings i am having are not helping with my anxity.
I know i am probably just being silly and over thinking things when i shouldn't be. I will just have to try and put them aside and try and over come them.
Love won.
8 years ago
