Knight in Shinning whatever...

DH is still sleeping on the couch and i doubt that be will be coming back to our bed anytime soon. I informed him last night that we were going to a couple councilling and if he didnt want to do it he knew where the door was.

Again we had a chat about what had happend and asked him again why he was on the dating site. He said he saw it advertised on a website and decided to have a look. He told me that he joined it while i was still pregnant and had been just looking at the girls that were on the site but never been in touch with any of them until after Lachlan was born. He said that he had only ever met one of the girls and that was it.

I asked him why he decided that meet her. He said the he liked the idea of being wanted by another woman and how she talked to him.

I also asked him again what they did together and he still stated all they did was kiss. He asked me why i was wanting to know all this and why i wanted to torture myself with knowing all the details. I told him that is was because i don't trust nor believe what he was saying. i told him that i couldn't believe that he had done this to me after everything i had been through, agter everything we had been through. that i couldn't believe that after we had, had a beautiful son together that he would go out and find someone else.

Again I left him there and went up to bed upset. I really want to sort all this out, i really want things to go back to the way they were before he did this.

For those that don't know my husband was my knight in shinning armour when he met me 6 years ago. He pulled me out of a deep black hole that i was digging for myself. I was in a relationship where i was getting used and abused and i was doing all sorts of drugs to numb the pain that i had been going through since i was 14.

When i met him he was like a breath of fresh air. He was a kind warm hearted person that made me feel good about myself and showed me that i was beautiful inside and out.

When he pulled me out of that whole he brought me back to good health even though i knew i was still really damaged from my past.

I want that man back.

I want the man back that i married over 2 years ago. I want the man back that supported me after we lost our son Jensen. I want the man back that was there through the difficult birth of our son Lachlan. I want the man back that proposed to me after 4 weeks of knowing me. I want the man back that tells me that i am beautiful every morning.


But i guess knight in shinning whatever right.