New Years Eve

New Years Eve 2004. My friends had taken me to Sydney to the Rocks as my boyfriend had dumped me 3 days before. It was 11pm and my friends were dancing and i was giving free hugs to people passing by that wanted one, when one guy stopped me and said hello. That guy was my husband.

In that moment although i had been drinking i knew...i knew that he was the one that i would spend the rest of my life with.

Michael took me down to the spot where his friends were sitting to watch the fire works, and when the clock stricked 12 we kissed. I love the story of how we met and i can't wait to tell Lachlan (and any other children we have) it.

We have never missed a kiss on New Years Eve and i doubt we ever will.

In the New Year

Well i am not one for New Year resolutions as i am the person that usually breaks them, but seen as though i won't be going back to work until towards the end of the year and even that is part time, i thought that i might put one in place. So i thought that this year will be the year i get around to losing those extra kilos.

Before i got pregnant with Lachlan i was a bit overweight and when i mean a bit on the BMI scale i was just hitting it, and now that i have had him and come back down to my pregnancy weight i wan to get out there and lose it.

When growing up i was at normal weight due to all the exercising i did. I was a competitive swimmer, going to all the meets, swimming in Country, State and Nationals, thinking one day i am going to swim for a Australia. But when i was 14 i was gang rapped and swimming was the last thing on my mind. So going into a downward spiral and doing things a 14 year old girl shouldn't be doing , the dream of swimming for my Country was lost.

Once i slowly got my life back on track i had a new dream, i was going to join the Navy and serve my Country. I also knew this was a good way to get away from it all and get discipline back into my life. I did the training and the testing and was waiting to join when i needed to have surgery to remove my gallbladder, and once again my dreams were put on hold as i couldn't be recruited until 5 years after i had, had my surgery.


So to by my time i finished my HSC and decided that after i finished school i would go to TAFE and do a course. But little did i know that on the 31st December 2004 i would meet someone that would change my life completely and i would get new dreams.

So meeting my husband changed everything, and that is also when i started to put on the weight as i go comfortable with him, and he always thought i looked beautiful no matter how i looked.

But next things are going to change i am going to lose those kilos and i am also going to enroll myself into a personal training course. I am sick of the job i'm in, i want to get back outside, i no longer want to work in a hospital in a mundane job, where i feel like i am going no where i want to be in a job that means something that has rewards....

Yep Aunt Flows back...

Well i wasn't sure at first if it was her or not, but seen as though the bleeding has lasted 4 days with a little spotting this morning i know that it is defiantly her. I also couldn't start the pill this cycle as i wasn't sure if it was her or not so i am going to need to start it at the next cycle. It kind of sucks that i wasn't able to breast feed as it means i wouldn't have got my period so soon after his birth...but what can you do.


I have come to terms with taking the pill as well, i have thought that i will take it until the end of 2011 and will stop it at my last cycle of the end of next year. Michael and i have talked about trying for our second in June/July 2012 but the decision will not be finalised until Lachlan turns one, but stopping the pill at the end of next year will mean that my body can get it out of our system by the time we start trying.

Lachlan's first christmas...and all the rest.

Well Christmas is over for another year, but this one was special for my family as we had a cute little baby in our lives. Lachlan had a good Christmas (even though he didn't really know what was going on) and got really spoilt from the whole family. He spent most of Christmas Day awake as there was so much excitement and last night ended up having an 8 hour sleep!

Mummy and daddy also got spoilt with getting $500 in gift vouchers each! Which will come in handy as I need some new clothes.

This time of year also brings sadness to my family as it is the second Christmas we have spent without our angel baby Jensen. And every year we go to his head stone and give him his Christmas present as he is gone but not forgotten. I know there will come a day when we will have to explain to Lachlan why we do this and I know it will be a hard topic to talk about.

In the next coming days we will be spending sometime with DH's family and we will then have new years eve coming up as well.

Good Luck Summastarlet!!!

A Friend of mine that i met off BH and later was in a group with called SWB did a pregnancy test the other day and today she is going for her blood test.

We started off our journeys together and i believed that we were really close but then i got pregnant and i pulled away as i thought that i would be rubbing it in her face. As i continued on my journey with my little man, she began the process of IVF and on her first try it looks like her and her husband are getting their christmas Miracle.

I am so happy for you Summa and i am so glad that you are finally getting your much wanted baby, you are going to be a great mummy.

Ob appointment

Well yesterday DH and I went and saw Dr Davis. Dr Davis talked to me about how traumatic Lachlan's birth was and how he couldn't believe how much blood I loss. He also checked my incision site and let me know that it was healing well. We also talked about delivery if we decided to have another child, he siad that if I would like the option of vaginal birth that it would be still on the table, but DH and I have already talked about it and that I would probably have a c-section as things could be controlled more.

In the appointment Dr Davis gave me a script for Yasmin which is a birth control pill. I expected that this would come up but I didn't know how I would react when it did. I didn't say anything in the appointment and neither did DH but when we left DH said this to me "I am only going to say this once, you are talking the pill." I was devastated when he said this, we said that we wanted another child, and that we were going to talk about it when Lachlan turns 1 but going on the pill seems so final and it took my body a while to adjust off it when I came off it and that was before we decided that we wanted to try for a baby and I don't want to have to try forever for a second. so I am going to need to talk to DH and tell him my concerns and if he wants me to take it I will only take it for 6 months as I will need to let my body re adjust again.

also on another note I have had a cold that I got from my family and I have given it to Lachlan which hasn't been fun. so we have both been yucky and snotty.

first christmas is coming!

It is really exciting that this week Lachlan is turning 6 weeks and that this will be his first Christmas. The downer is that it looks like I got my little sisters cold, and am not happy. I have so much to do this week, and I don't know how I am going to look after my 5 week old! DH is being really good and looking after me and Lachlan and said that he will go and get me some cold and.flu tablets and some face masks.

Baby Portraits

I have been doing some research into baby portraits as i knew from day one of me being pregnant that i wanted these done. I have just given the photographer that did our wedding pictures (Berg Photography) call to see what his pricing's are as our wedding pictures were absolutely beautiful and i wouldn't want anyone else doing them. Now i the prices aren't looking that bad and now i will only have to discuss it with DH before i book him in. Although i don't think we would get them done till next year in January, which isn't too bad as i think Lachlan is developing a bit of a personality and i would love that to come through in the photos.

Feeling pretty lonely...can't wait for Mother's Group.

I know a lot of people would think i am bitching, but i have been feeling lonely. I have my family that come and visit but recently i have been waiting a friend i could talk to. I know i have the SWB girls but i really want some face to face contact with someone. To have a chat to, a girls day or even just gossip with over a glass of wine (which i can now have).

I am really looking forward to going to Mother's group and seeing if i can connect with someone. I am not really the type of girl that makes friends with women easily either, i guess it was all those years at a all girls school you kinda get sick of them.

I really wish my friends wouldn't have ditched me when they found out i was pregnant, but i guess they weren't really friends then.

Update

After Lachlan having a bad afternoon yesterday and an hour and a half of him crying we finally got him to sleep and then he slept for 7 hours!!! It was so amazing and it was great for Michael and I to get some much needed sleep. I know it probably wont last and it won't happen again for awhile but it was great that he could do that.

The c-section incision is still pink and something really gross happened the other day. I was pulling my shirt down as it had rolled up and i pulled one of the stitches that was hanging out. Now with me doing this it made the one of my left side get pulled inside me, now it didn't hurt or bleed it was just really weird. Now i don't think there is a problem with me doing this as they are disolveable, just again really weird.

There is another thing. I want another baby. Now Michael and i have always said that we wanted 3 or 4 kids and when i got pregnant with Lachlan we said that we would wait a year to 2 years to start trying for our second, but i have now been thinking i really want another one and i want to start trying sometime next year. And don't get me wrong i don't think any less of Lachlan and i love him so much, i just have these thoughts in my head.

Early Childhood nurse visit

Jennie my early childhood nurse came for a home visit on Tuesday (and i am sorry this post is late this is the first chance i have gotten to blog). She was really nice and very helpful. She weighed Lachlan and he has put back on his birth weight and then some!!! Which is really great!!!

She also told me about a Mothers group or all the bubs that around Lachlan's age and that they were having a meeting on the 16th December so i am looking forward to going to that.


Not much else have been happening really since the last post as it has just been Lachlan. Hamish and myself at home. Yes i included the cat lol.

First Day alone with Lachlan

DH went back to work today and it was a little bit scary. He came in the this morning after letting me sleep...which was really nice and woke me up and said that he was leaving for work and he loved me. I told him that he couldn't go and that he had to stay. He slightly laughed and told me that i would do fine and he needed to go. Once again he kissed me and told him that he loved me and left.

And that is when the fun started.....

As soon as DH left Lachlan started to cry, so i got up out of bed and went in to calm him down. Smelling something funky i thought that Lachlan pooed so i went to change him...nope just wet so i changed his nappy and looked at the cat (i know TMI) Hamish must of gone to the toilet. I stood there holding the baby and looking at the cat and thought how the hell am i going to do this? But i pulled myself together and brought Lachlan down stairs and managed to multi task my way into greatness and managed to do everything with no problem.

The rest of the day has been good and he hasn't had a restless period so far...i am so hoping that he won't have one during the middle of the night (so i am keeping my fingers crossed).

Into a routine

Well it looks like Lachlan is finally getting himself into a routine. He is sleeping 3-4 hours now (in the night he manages to sometimes have 1 sleep where he sleeps for 5 hours). It is really good as Mummy and Daddy are now getting some sleep. He still has a period in the day where he is a bit restless but that is managed with some hug time.

We have also managed to have some outings as well and when we do go out he mostly just sleeps, i think he likes the vibrations of the car and the same when he is in the Pram. I also think he likes the noise as well when we are out at the shops.

Things with me are going well the incision seems to be healing well and my infection seems to be going away. I have also been going for some walks as i am going crazy being stuck at home. I know that you shouldn't be really exercising, but i am making sure that i am taking it easy and not over doing it. I have an appointment with Dr Davis on the 20th December so i should get clearance from him then to go back to exercising.

So many forms

Just a quick update!

I thought i would mention that there are so many forms to fill out after you have a baby and they are all to do with the baby bonus. I so hope when the paid parental leave comes up there are less forms.


Also i would just like to give a shout out to Gymjunkie who had here little girl....she is so beautiful!

Just an infection

Well ended up going to the doctors today as it seems i have an infection in my c-section incision sight so now i am on antibiotics and getting dressings done.

On Baby front Lachlan is so awesome and i loving evey moment with him.

Life so far with Lachlan

Well we started off a bit rocky when we got home on Thursday as it was a bit daunting knowing that there are no midwifes or doctors around that you can call on when you need help.

The past two nights Lachlan didn't really get any sleep between the hours of 11pm and 3am, but last night he was a dream waking anywhere between 3 or 4 hours between feeds. Which meant mummy and daddy were able to get some sleep.

Tomorrow we are going to have our first outing. DH needs to go see our GP as he needs a letter so he can take some paternity leave and i need to see the GP as i have had a little bit of spot bleeding around my incision site. Then from there we are going to my parents for lunch which will be nice.

Finally home with our Little Man

Lachlan Connor Mackay is our new addition to our family. He was born Thursday 11th November 2010 at 1012am.


He was born by an emergency C-section. I needed the c-section as the medication that they put me on to my contractions regular made him distressed.

When he was born he weighted 8p2oz (3696gms) and was 51.5 cm Tall and had a head circumference of 36cm.

On his 3rd day he lost 14% of his body weight (babies should only lose 10% or less of his body weight) and it was found that due to my c-sections and the complications that happened with me during the surgery my milk was not coming in. Due to this i needed to breast feed him (to stimulate the milk) formula feed or use expressed milk to feed him (so that he was being feed) and then express milk (to also stimulate milk production and to feed him). This was a lengthy process and caused both him and me to become very distressed and then it was decided that he will continue to be formula feed as it was taking too long for my milk to come in. Although it was not really what i wanted to do, i was putting the health of my baby first. He has now been putting the weight back on slowly and is now weighing 3845gms.

I am now home (THANK GOD) after beening in hospital for 7 days and am so glad, i am still really tired and sore from my surgery and am going to need to take it easy for a while. My Husband and family have been awesome and so supportive through this all and i don't know what would have happened if i didn't have them.

I would also like to give a big congrats to Lambchops who also had her baby on the 11th i hope you and Ollie are doing well and enjoy every moment with him.

Tomorrows the day

Tomorrows the day when my pregnancy will end and our lives will start with our little boy. It is exciting and nerve wracking at the same time.

I have come to terms with not spontaneously going into labour by myself, although i am still nervous about getting my water broken and all that jazz. But one thing i am liking is that i won't be in labour all day. Dr Davis has stated that he won't let it go forever and that i will be holding my baby by Thursday afternoon.

I have been putting the final bits and pieces in my bag, as i don't want to be wondering around at 5am looking for things if i don't have too. I also rang the Hospital this morning and confirmed that i needed to be there at 6:30am and that i didn't have to do anything special before i arrived. I am glad that i am going in early and that Dr Davis will be there when i arrive as it means that i will get to meet my little boy sooner.

I have also been thinking alot about my Cat Hamish. I know it sounds silly but i am going to miss him while i am in Hospital as this will be the longest i have spent away from him. DH says that it is my hormones in over drive and i do tend to believe him. And it is worst as i will have to spend about 5 days in Hospital.

Meeting little June

Today i met the baby of my friend from my old job. Her name is June and she is so beautiful and has big beautiful blue eyes she is so cute and couldn't get enough of holding her and hugging her. DH was really good with her and played her making her laugh. She is now 3 months old and when she was born she was placed in special care for 3 days as she was born 3 and half weeks early and was only 2kgs.

Other then meeting my friends baby not much is happening at the moment still seeing a lot of mucus which Dr Davis said would happen after my internal which i had done yesterday and baby is still moving heaps, actually kept me up last night as he was having a good wriggle.

Dr Davis appointment

Had my appointment with Dr Davis today and he did an internal exam. He said that everything is looking good but didn't mention that i might go before Thursday when i am getting induced, although he made a note for me to be at the Hospital by 6:3oam on Thursday when we will start the process, and mentioned that i will be holding my little man by Thursday night!!

I thought that i would have some bleeding after the exam but i have nothing like that just a lot of mucus and speaking of mucus i lost my plug early this morning and i guess there was a bit of relief as i thought finally something has happen.

Other then my appointment we put the car seat in today while we were out and about, it is quite exciting!

D-Day

Well as the title suggests it is D-day and DH and i are eagerly awaiting for something to happen. I know not all things happen when you want them too but i really wish this did so we could meet our little man.

Tomorrow i have an appointment with Dr Davis and he is going to be doing an internal...not something that i am looking forward to as i have heard that you can bleed from having one, but i hope maybe it might bring on labour. But if that doesnt happen and i haven't gone into labour by Wednesday night i will go in Thursday to get induced (which reminds me i will have to contact the hospital to find out what time i will need to get in there).

Well i guess we will take each day as it comes, but i guess the good thing is by friday i could be holding my baby.

Clock ticking down

Well as the title suggests the clock is ticking down to D-day and to tell you the truth i am starting to get frustrated. I guess for the last 9 months there has been a build up of anticipation to this one day that you mark down on the calander and as you cross every day off leading up to that day, you get so excited and i think i have now got to the point when i just want it to happen already.

I know i have 2 days to go (including this one) to my due date and anything can happen at any time but i am now starting to get worried that i will need to be induced. I guess walking into the birthing suits and knowing that they will bring on the contractions with medications scares me. I would love for it to just happen naturally. I have heard some storys that the contractions come on very strong (although i have also heard that some labours are shorter because of this) and painful, and i guess i want to know that i have some control of the situation.


I know that i shouldn't be thinking like this and that i should just relax and what ever happens, happens and that the Doctors know what they are doing and that plenty of women have been induced with no problems.


It is kind of nice to see that DH is getting really excited now about seeing his son. He has basically been talking to my belly every hour telling his son that he needs to come out so he can meet him. It is really cute and i love that he is so excited as he was pretty bottled up about his feelings until a week ago, i guess with the due date coming closer he has realised that it is going to happen.

If i haven't gone into labour by Monday i have an appointment with Dr Davis where he will do an internal to see if my cervix has softend and i guess go through with me about my induction, i know that i will have a lot of questions for him as i am pretty nervous about it.

6 Days to go...

Today i had appointment with Dr Davis and everything is still ok, Baby is still engaged and heart beat is sounding perfect, like i said to the Dr Davis it is still a waiting game...just wish that the game was over so that both my Husband and i can meet our little man.

We also talked about what would happen if i went over (lets hope i don't) I would go and see him next monday and he would do an external exam and he has booked me into the hospial for the 11th November for my induction if in fact i need it. By we will come to that if i haven't gone into labour by Sunday.

Also on another not i have a cold...still which is really annoying and i am it goes away by the time i go into a labour.

By the way 6 days to go!!!!

I think i have a cold or do i.....?

Well since yesterday i have had a sore thought and a stuffy nose. Now i have had a look on Google and apparently flu like symptoms is a pre labour sign, which would explain some things as on Thursday night DH and i thought that i was going into labour but the pains that i were having were too irregular and then stopped. I am just hoping that things start progressing and i go into labour soon.

Good News Baby has dropped

Well there is some good news on the Baby front, Dr Davis told me today that baby has dropped and he gave me the speech about if my waters break ect to call the hospital. It is so good to know that it is going to happen and sometime soon!!!

Quick Update

Just a quick update i have been given the all clear to have and epidual/spinal by Dr Ramakrishna which is awesome!

Dr Davis appointment and Mum to be pamper package

Well on Monday i had my appointment with Dr Davis he did the usual check up and he also checked baby's position and to see if he was engaged. Now here i was keeping my fingers crossed, Baby was lying flat on his back which is good but he wasn't engaged, but like Dr Davis said we will take it 1 week at a time and we will see next Monday.

He we also talked about epidurals and spinals as well at this appointment as due to my blood condition i might not be able to have one (i knew this might come up and i think i was trying to keep it blocked out as i still wanted it as an option). I have an appointment with Dr Ramakrishna (haematologist) on Wednesday so i have to speak to him about it and see if it is an option. If it isn't an option i will need to call Dr Davis and let him know as i will probably need a General Anaesthetic if i need a C-section, which i don't really want but if that is the only way to keep me and baby alive then i will listen to the Doctors as they know what they are doing.

Dr Davis also gave me a blood test, apparently my Haematologist forgot to include a test on my last blood test that he really needs so it looks like i will need to go for that today and have it marked urgent.

Also on Monday i had my mummy to be pamper package which included a Deluxe pedicure, Deluxe manicure, Deluxe facial and a eye lash tint and oh my god i was in heaven! i was there for about 3 hours and even though i had to get up and go to the toilet a few times it did not spoil the mood. with every piece of deluxeness (i know its not a word) i was getting a massage as well and i tell you what it was just what i needed. So now my toe nails and finger nails look all pretty and my eye lashes are so black and my skin looks amazing...i feel so spoilt.

36 week Ultrasound

Not much going on but i had my 36 week ultrasound today and everything seems to measuring well although i am measuring ahead of my due date, so i am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that i go early!

Baby wasn't playing nice so no pictures this time which is a shame but i get to see him in about 3 weeks (or less) time.

25 Days to go and the Fear of Post Natal Depression

It is amazing to know that it is coming so close to meeting my little boy. But in the back of my mind i think i might be a scared little girl thinking all the ifs and maybes that might happen. I am mostly trying not to think about them as i think i am prepared for what is going to happen and i am up for anything thing Dr Davis suggests as he has delivered millions of babies and i haven't even had one.

I am also afraid of what will happen after i have the baby. My GP has told me that i have a high chance of getting post natal depression due to being diagnosed with depression, anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress disorder and i knew that from the start that there was a possibility of me getting PND, but now as things start getting closer i am thinking about it more and more. I don't have any fears that being a mother isn't going to be easy, i don't have any fears that waking up in all hours of the night is going to be hard, i am also not one of those people that sit there and say i am going to be a bad mother, but the one thing i fear is getting PND and knowing that if i am left alone with my baby and the PND is that bad that i can harm him, i don't want to know that fear.

As DH and i have been together for a long time, he knows the signs of if i am sinking back into that pit, he has been there for some of my hardest moments when all i wanted to do was give up. And being as wonderful as he is, he is very optimistic that i will not get PND, and i guess i need that, i need someone telling me that everything will be fine and to push all those fears aside and to hold me until i feel better.

But i guess we won't know until after the birth to see if these fears unfold and i just have to keep myself together and try not to get anxious about it. As that could definitely contribute to it.

OB Appointment plus 31 days to go!

Well 31 days to go...it is coming so close that i am starting to get anxious about it. Anxious as it is taking to long, and starting to think am i going to be a good mum, i hope that i am able to breast feed and a lot of other little things that keep running through my head. I know it is normal to feel all these things, so i am not turning into a basket case and in a little ball in the cornor of the room muttering things to myself. I actually mentioned it to DH last night that i was getting nurvous and he also admitted that he was also nervous and it was nice to have a chat with him and it actually made me feel lot better knowing that he wasn't all cool calm and collected as i thought he was.

My appointment yesterday with Dr Davis went well. I got to hear bubs heart beat and Dr Davis also checked to see if the baby was engaged...which OMG made me feel like there wasn't long to go, i was kind of happy that he didn't turn to me and say "bubs engaged we can expect him sooner rather then later." I also got a referral to get some swabs done for a strep B test which i have to have done at 36 weeks which is next week. But other then that he said that i am perfect (which believe me gave me a big head for a couple of hours).

Trip to the Hospital

Well it has been a couple of days but on Wednesday DH and i had a trip to the hospital. The problem was that i had a bit of bleeding. I noticed there was some spotting on the toilet paper when i went to the toilet. Being paranoid like i am i always check when i go to the toilet.

I rang the hospital and i was very calm as i didn't know if there was a problem or that i was fact going into labour and i just didn't feel the contractions. They asked me a few questions and asked me to pack an over night bag just in case. As DH was at work and it would take 20 minutes to get to me i called him and told him that i was feeling fine and that bubs was moving and if he could come and get me to take me to the hospital.

Within 20 minutes DH had come home and we headed straight to the hospital. As i had no more bleeding they took me into one of the birthing rooms and strapped me to a monitor and started monitoring the baby. This went on for about 30 minutes with them coming to check on me every 10. Bubs readings were fine and they rang Dr Davis (as he was delivering a baby) and checked with him to see if they should monitor me longer but he said that i was right to go, but to come back if there was any problems.

It was scary but i was really proud of myself that i kept it all together and didn't panic.

Baby Shower plus other things

Yesterday DH and i had such a wonderful day! Yesterday was our baby shower and oh my god we were soooo spoilt! We got so many clothes, toys, blankets, sheets and practical things as well which was really good. We had lunch at a really nice restaurant which had really good food!

We also got our chair which is so comfortable and we have set that up in the baby's room so that when we bring him home we have some where we can rock him to sleep and where i can breast feed him as well.

The room is coming together so well we put up the wall hangings and we only have to set up a little table where we will have the baby half of the monitor and a lamp as well and then that will be it, it will be finished and i am so anxious to do this, i think that must be the whole nesting thing.

I have also been having pain below my right breast just at the bottom of my ribs. It was quite painful and it even made me cry today, but apparently that is normal pain (well that is what the Doctor said).

It is getting really close now, i am 34 weeks and i am waiting impatiently to meet him.

Day 2 of Maternity Leave

Well i have an eventful first day of maternity leave, i went around the house and cleaned did 5 loads of washing (mostly washing baby clothes, cot sheets and baby towels) and also ironed all the washing that i washed. I felt pretty useless at first when DH went off to work, i sat on the lounge and ate breakfast and watched the morning show and thought if i did this every morning i think i am going to go crazy!!!! I know you are meant to relax when you go on maternity leave but i am not the type of person that can just lay around and do nothing. So i did all that cleaning, washing and ironing, and last night i had the best sleep ever and didn't even wake up during the night to pee as i was so tired.

Then came day two. At first when i work up i thought that it was raining as i heard something hitting the window...like rain drops...but DH said that it was a beautiful sunny day, so i thought i was imagining things. Went down stairs and made breakfast said goodbye to DH and sat on the lounge and watched the morning news, but once again i heard something hitting the window. I put the TV on mute and began to hear buzzing...and it was coming from the light fixture...and from inside the vent in the kitchen...and the ceiling in the lounge room. Felling a little freaked out and noticing that i wasn't going crazy as the cat was above the fridge looking at the vent in the kitchen, i called DH who said that he would be home after he was finished at work...which i thought that would be about 3pm so that isn't so bad. So i sat on the lounge surrounded by all the buzzing and i think the fact that my pregnancy hormones aren't liking me very much i burst into tears, started to over think things and proceeded to panic. So once again i got on the phone to my loving Husband and as i couldn't quite get my words out through all the crying i said that i couldn't handle this any more...and in under 10 minutes he left work and was by my side...mind you he thought that i had gone into labour (oops maybe i should have told him that it was the buzzing not contractions that i couldn't handle). So we rang a couple of people and it looks like the buzzing is coming from wasps. Apparently there is a nest outside our window and they are getting into some cracks in the wall and have taken up to living in our first floor ceiling. And we will have to see who needs to pay the bill as our block is run by strata. FUN!!!

first week of maternity leave

Well my maternity leave starts tomorrow and I am starring to think what the help am I going to do?! I know that I want to wash some of the baby clothes and start putting the sheets on thw cots mattress but I am not sure what else I should do. It is kind of weird going from having some thing to do for 8 hours of the day to having to think of something to do. I am sure I will get on the net and work out something do and talk to the swb girls as well as they soon will be on leave as well

Antenatal Class and Maternity Leave

Well on Thursday afternoon at 3pm i started Marernity Leave...and all i can say is THANK GOD!!!! I am so glad that i have started as i am now starting to notice that i am getting tired and needing a nap in the afternoon.

Also Today i finished my antenatal class, and i can now say that i am glad that i have done them. I have come out of them with a lot of knowledge and feel a lot more comfortable about the whole going into labour and delivering the baby. Today we talked about Breastfeeding/bottle feeding, Settling and sleeping, had a tour around the birthing and maternity unit we also watched a video called Being Dad which was really good and i think DH enjoyed seeing other dads talk about labour and breast feeding etc and hear what their experinces were.

Well at the moment other then the classes and my ultrasound that i had yesterday the next thing on my list is seeing Dr Davis on Wednesday and my baby shower next saturday.

32 week ultrasound

Today I had my 32 week ultrasound and they told me that everything is going perfectly! I am so happy to hear that awning was getting a bit worried as I am having all these extra ultrasounds, but when she told me that baby was saying baby was weighing a perfect 2.1kg and has a perfect heart rate and every organ was a perfect size I couldn't ask for anything more.

What made this ultrasound extra special is that I got to share it with my dad, unfortunately DH had to work and couldn't come so I asked my dad and he was over the moon that I asked him, it was really special and I loved that I could shade that with him.

Appointment with Dr Davis and Antenatal class

Well i haven't posted on here for a while so there is a little bit i need to catch you up on it.

Had an appointment with Dr Davis on the 8th September he did the usual things like checked my blood pressure, checked my urine, weight and fundal height. He also checked the postion of my baby his head was down towards my left leg and his feet were up under my left ribs...so he kind knows which way is down. All in all it was a good appointment, but i still wasn't ready to ask questions about the birth and what were my options with my blood conditions as i wanted to go to my first antenatal class to get some more information before i started asking questions which could be answered in those classes.

So on we went to our first Antenatal class not really knowing what to expect from it. There was a group of 16 of us including partners. The midwife that took the class was really good and made us feel comfortable as it looked like we weren't the only ones that were a bit nervious. There were a fair few topics covered in this first class (the antenatal classes are spread over two Saturday's) the topics are:

• Overview of labour stages
• How to recognise the onset of labour
• what if labour dose not start naturally?
• How to time a contraction
• when to come to the hospital
• Natural resources and strategies for labour
• Medical alternatives to pain relief
• Unexpected outcomes and obstetric procedures

There was a lot of info to take in over the 5 hour class and thank god they gave you an overview of all the topics covered as i was unable to take notes as i think i might have felt a bit over my head with about everything that was happening. They showed us a few videos as well about a natural labour with natural resources, a labour with Medical alternatives, a c-section, how the baby gets prepared for labour, an induction and how they put in an epidual.

Thankfully they provided morning tea and lunch as that gave you time to process the information inbetween. But i can say one thing it gives you a lot to think about and what choices you have when you go/don't go into labour.

Although one thing is that i have a lot of questions for Dr Davis now...probably more then i had before which i don't know if it is a good thing or not...i have another class next Saturday which i am really looking foward to as it will probably be the lighter side of the whole giving birth as we get a tour around the birthing/maternity suites, get to see a new born and also talk about setteling/sleeping and breast feeding/bottle feeding.


On another note 8 weeks to go!!! And 4 days of work to go!!!

2 weeks and 3 days to go!

Well i got a talking to last night from DH and he has asked me to leave work early, so talked to my boss today and i asked if i could finish at the end of the roster and that is in 2 weeks and 3 days....OMG that is so close!!!

Some good news

Found out some good news on Thursday my Sister in law told us that she was 8 weeks pregnant! Which is really awesome as it took 3 years to conceive her first but this time around it was unexpected, DH and i are just so happy for her!!

So DH and i are going to give back everything that she gave us (inculding the cot) and next week my mother in law is going to buy us a brand new cot!!! Which is really awesome as i did want a new cot one that we could say was ours so i am so happy that we can get one now.

OB appointment update

Went and saw Dr Davis today and got the results of my GTT and Ultrasound. The GTT was prefect and i was no where near the levels of what you need to be for Gestational Diabetes. The ultrasound results were perfect as well my placenta was perfect and baby was perfect as well. Well on to the next lot of appointments and ultrasounds!

11 weeks to go

Well today i hit 29 weeks (it is starting to get closer) i am a excited and a bit apprehensive at the same time, but i think every first time mum gets like that.


Yesterday i went for my GTT, the drink was totally disgusting but i managed to hammer it down then continued to drink half a bottle of water after that just to get rid of the taste in my mouth. Through out the test you get 3 blood tests 1 when you get there and your fasted, 2 1 hour after you drink the glucose and 3 2 hours after the glucose...so at the moment i have some nice bruises.


The baby's room is starting to look good now i bought a mobile with soft toy planes on it (so i am guessing that is the theme) and i am going to get some wall hangings with planes and a lamp with a plane this week. I will also start washing the sheets and clothes and getting them ready too.


Also yesterday i paid for the prenatal classes, not really looking forward to them as i would rather walk in blindly into the birthing room and take things as they come, but i guess they don't really want you doing that.

28 week scan

DH and i got to see our little baby today and he yawned through the whole thing...i think he is getting sick of being poked and scanned lol. Measurements are looking perfect and he is the perfect little baby at the moment and it is so awesome to hear that things are going so well. Also i love seeing DH's face when that baby pops up on the screen and we get to hear that heart beat it is the best feeling.

On another note there is 11 weeks and 6 days to go....not long to go!

Update

Well on Wednesday (11/08/2010) I saw Dr Davis. I got to hear baby's heart beat and i got my blood test for my Glucose test...not really looking forward to it but i guess it is something what we need to do. I have to come and see him again in 2 weeks after i have my ultra sound, which is on Monday and after i have my blood test which i am going to have a week from Saturday.

On a baby update he has been really active but i am now starting to get up in the middle of night to pee and i am also starting to get really tired during the afternoon, i am now starting to nap when i get home when from work.

27 weeks - Don't get anymore complicated

Over the past week i have seen my Heamatologist and it looks like my ANA is high my RF is high but my VWF is low which is one part of good news, but one good thing is that my specialist doesn't seem to worried althought he has told me not to get any more complicated...easier said then done i guess, how can i tell my body not to get any more complicated? He also checked my blood pressure and also my weight, blood pressure seems to be holding between 100 -116 over 60 and i have only put on put 4kgs over 6 months (i am not sure if that is good or not).

Over the next couple of weeks it is going to be busy. This week i will have my appointment with Dr Davis (i have a couple of questions for him actually which i will have to remember to write down so i can ask him). I will also have my 28 week ultra sound coming up as well plus some other appointment and then September will be busy as well, i guess in the last trimester they try to get everything in before you pop.

I also picked up some other baby stuff today and put a layby on for some bigger items that i will pay off over the next couple of weeks.

On the baby front he has been active and also i think i have been having braxton hicks contractions some have been a little bit painful but nothing that i can't handle.

26 weeks

First of all i would like to put a shout out to my Friend Nani, Congrats on the awesome news!!! I read your blog and tears came to my eyes. I hope you relax for the next 3 weeks until your scan and then continue relaxing for the rest of your pregnancy. Big hugs to you and your husband.


As the title suggest i have hit 26 weeks (98 days to go!) everything is still going well and bub is still moving around like there is a big party going on in my belly.

DH and i went away for a long weekend as tomorrow is our 2nd Wedding Anniversary. It was just what we needed, it was very relaxing and we hardly did anything at all.

Tomorrow i have an appointment with my heamatologist and i will get some results back on the bloods i had taken a little under two weeks ago. I am not too concerned as to what comes back from the bloods but if something does come up we will take it as it comes and will do anything that i need to help my baby.

SLEEEEP!!!

Last night was the first night since Friday that i got some sleep...well it was more then 3 hours which i have been getting the past couple of nights. So that means i have had another day off work.

I went to see my Doctor last night and he was a bit worried about the whole not sleeping thing as for most pregnant women they tend to sleep more... But i guess i like being difficult lol. Anyway another concern he had was that because i have had depression and anxity he is worried that the lack of sleep might trigger it again, so he tried to find some medication that he could put me on to help. Thank god he couldn't find any because i didn't really want to take a pill to help me sleep, i have been so good to not take anything (apart from panadol), the best medication that he could find was a Class C medication (in other words don't take it unless you it is the last resort).

My Doctor told me that there was 4 classes A - being good to take, B- meaning it is ok, C-don't take it if you have too and last of all D- DO NOT TAKE!! So by the end of the appointment me he gave me a sheet on insomnia (which all the stuff i already know as i read it in "What to expect when your expecting"). Also he told me to find something natural to help me sleep, but i have been there and done that when i had insomnia before and it didn't work.

So i guess the only thing that i can do is try and get into a routine to help me sleep, so last night i had a bath and sat down and watched some TV with DH and then went to bed...although i waited til i felt a bit tired and that was at 10:30pm and then went to bed, and that is not going to help when i am going to go back to work tomorrow and starting at 6:30am.

I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but the good thing is that i have a Doctors certificate but i doubt that anyone will really care about it. I am really thinking when i go back to work full time i am going to look for another job as i am starting to hate working with people that don't really give a damn if you are pregnant, if your sick, or what ever...i know that it is like this probably where ever you work but i don't know i am really going to think about things while i have time off and i think i might take a management course and see what comes up there.


Anyway on the baby front he has been really active which has been really nice and i am starting to feel when i press on my belly where he is. Also i think DH and i have choosen a name!!

The Insomnia continues

Like the title suggest i still have insomnia. I woke up this morning at 6am to get ready for work, sat on the edge of the bed and burst into tears. I was so tired and couldn't even put my clothes on...mind you i did end up putting my work clothes (determination) and walked down stairs to see DH standing there asking me whats wrong (as he must have known that i was crying) i ended sitting on the couch with him for 30 minutes crying and with him telling me not to go to work. I eventually caved and called work to tell them that i wasn't coming in.

I feel so bad for not going into work again and i know everyone will be cursing my name as i have work that needs to be done, but what can i do when i walk around and stand all day and i know i won't be able to function.

I will be heading into the doctors today (as i need a doctors certificate) and see what he can do, i have also put a shout out on BH to see if any of those ladies know of anything i can do.

Insomnia

Well I think i have insomnia. For the past 3 nights there has been so much lack of sleep that i think i am going to go crazy!!!!

I had to have a day off work today as i couldn't even lift myself up off the bed to get ready for work, and then i felt so bad when i rang into work to tell them that i wasn't coming in and they told me that none of the morning staff had come in as they were all off sick...i felt so bad, but what can i do, i guess you really can't help how you feel.

After i had some sleep this morning...which i just managed to get as i kept waking up and i think that all up i had 4 hours. I decided to clean the cupboards in the baby's room and our room, I was really surprised as i thought that it was going to be a big job but it only took me 2 hours all up, there was some really heavy stuff that i will need to get DH to move when he gets home from work. But all up it is all coming together nicely and i am so glad that i am actually doing something now and not waiting til the last minute.

Oh something really cute happened this morning, DH called me into the baby's room this morning as he was leaving for work to find that Hamish (our Kitten) had fallen asleep in the cot and he looked so cute and comfortable.

Thinking of my friend

A friend of my yesterday had her baby, a beautiful baby girl (4 weeks early) weighting 2.4kg . Unfortunately they needed to do an emergency c-section and the baby is now in special care nursery. My thoughts are with her and family.

OB Appointment

Saw Dr Davis today for my appointment and everything seems t be going well. He measured my fundal height that is reading 24 and we got to hear our little baby's heart beat which is beating really strong. The only thing he is worried about now is my placenta due to my blood conditions (i think he is now worried about this as the baby is going to get bigger and fast). So i am now going to be having ultrasounds every 4 weeks until bub is born. I am not really worried about this at the moment as i feel fine and i can feel bubba and Dr Davis was calm about it (although i think Dr Davis could say that i was dying and i would still think everything was going to be ok as he has that sort of calmingness(?) to him) so i am not going to worry until there is time to worry....plus i will be able to see bub and get more pictures!

The only other thing that is going on at the moment is that i think i have hives (well my mum thinks i do). I have broken out in a few spots that are really itchy, i thought they were mozie bites at first but it is too cold for them and they just seem to be on my legs. So i told my mum and she seems to think that it is because i am getting too hot when i am sleeping in bed and because when your pregnant you seem to put off much more heat that is where the hives are coming from. So i am going to make sure i have less layers the next few night and see if that does anything, as i don't really want to start taking anything if just removing some clothing and/or blankets can get rid of the problem.

One of my worst fears

One of my worst fears at the moment is being hit in the stomach, and today it happend. A patients family member was picking up their bag and it hit me in the stomach. I think the family member didnt realise that i was coming behind them but it really shock me. I know that bubby is a tuff little chicken and i know it didn't harm him but that i think that just the thought of it happening scared me a little.

Into the 6th Month (23 weeks)

Well i have now started onto the 6th month (23 weeks). It is kind of scary knowing that everything has been moving so quickly...i know that i really want to meet my baby boy, but i guess with my blood conditions i thought that my pregnancy would be a bit more complicated but things seem to be going so smoothly that it has gone so quick. But like my mother keeps telling me when i hit the last couple of months i will be wishing that it would go super quick. There is a girl i chat to from BH that is 5 days late at the moment, i am hoping that her baby comes soon i know that i will be half freaking out and half praying that the baby would just come already, and i would be trying everything for it to happen.

Wednesday i will have another OB appointment with Dr Davis, I am starting to think that i might need to write some questions about what is going to happen when i deliver...but i think there is still plenty of time to figure it out, i guess at the moment i just really want to know everything there is to know about pregnancy and what happens through out the weeks. I am really loving knowing what is going on. It will be nice to hear my baby's heart beat on Wednesday it has been a while since i have see or heard him...although i can feel him which is nice to know that he is still there.

On a baby update, he is keeping very active and has been going crazy which is really awesome, except before bed when i am really wanting to go to sleep, but DH is really loving feeling him in there.

A bit of a downer post

I am starting to think that there must be something wrong with me, all my friends have started to drop off the side of the planet since i got pregnant. I only have a small group of friends so it is easy for all of us to keep in touch but for some reason they have stopped returning my calls, messages and have also stopped inviting me out for things...which i know they are doing as i can see them chatting on FB about it. It is not like pregnancy is a disability or anything like that, i can still go out with them shopping, movies, even if they want to go drinking i can be their driver. It is just really upsetting me at the moment, and i really want to share this with them as well.

I really want my friends back.

Friend 'A' is getting married in March and I was going to be the maid of honour but i got a message off her saying due to the wedding getting to expensive she was cutting back on bridesmaids and i must not have made the cut. I later find out that she still has the same amount of bridesmaids and she has asked one of our other friends to be her maid of honour. It broke my heart as 'A' is meant to be my best friend and that she didn't have the courage to come and talk to me about it i would have understood if there was a reason behind this. But instead she sent me a message and replaced me with someone else....i don't know if i even want to go to the wedding any more i don't know if i want to bring my child to a wedding of someone that would treat me like that.

My hormones are raging and i have been so up set to see that all my friends have turned away from me. I don't even know what to do anymore i don't even think the thought of a baby shower will come in their minds when the time comes (not that i am even thinking of that).

I just don't know what else i can do.

Update

Well baby has been nice and active and i think DH will be able to feel baby, if he kicks at the right time...he is usally active when i am at work or right before we go to bed, but seems to be active when i have something that is cold and fizzy. I can't wait till DH can feel him it will be nice for him to actually be a bit more of a part of this, I think that he is feeling a bit left out at the moment.

My poor little kitten seems to be getting better which is nice. He was pretty sick last that Thursday and DH and i were up most of the night looking after him and trying to get on to the emergency Vet but no answer it was really annoying as he was quite sick. Hamish (the kitten) had to spend a night at the vet and we needed to pick him up on the Saturday but he seems to be going well as we took him back to the vet today and she is pleased with how things are going, although she still wants him to take his antibiotics and to go back and see her in 2 weeks if he is still going ok.

Things have been moving along nicely and the time seems to be flying which is really exciting.

Quick Post

I bought my stroller today (YAY!!)

We bought a Steelcraft Strider Eden 3 wheeler it is awesome and everything i wanted. It is a perfect size and not heavy and it will be easy to walk around in it...

Although when i was in the store there was so much more that i wanted to buy...but i stood strong and didnt get anything else...yet.

Growing Pains

Well i have been starting to get some major growing pains at the moment and it is mostly around my pelvic area, but it is mostly when i am walking or standing i feel it, but it seems to be fine while i am sitting and laying down.

Other then the pelvic pain i have just had sore breasts but they are easy to deal with as they only hurt when they are touched.

I put in my maternity leave form in today it was really exciting to know that i am one step closer to meeting my little boy. I also put in my last ADOs before i go on leave, it is kind of werid looking at the rosters to see that i only have 4 more before i go on leave. I really like know that i have 9 months paid leave 6 months of it is maternity leave and the other 3 is annual leave.

I have also decided that when i go back to work i will be on reduced hours i will be working 3 days a week for 6 months. It will give me that extra time with the baby and it will ease me back into work.

Hospital Visit plus other bits

Had my hospital visit today and got booked in for November (depending on when i go). Got asked a few questions but she was really nice and drilled it into my head that if i had any problems to call...i guess everyone does that when your pregnant, i have a special section in my phone just for hospital/emergency numbers. They also gave me a whole lot of information for myself and DH to read so it will keep us busy for a couple of days.

Also contacted the health insurance today to see how much it was going to cost for me to stay in Hospital and i was really surprised i actually thought that it was going to cost me more, so that has taken a lot off my mind.

I also made a decision (well i think i have) on a stroller. I am looking at getting a Steelcraft...either a strider 3 wheeler or a Strider plus 3 wheeler. I really want to go into a store and try it out before i make any other decisions on it.

Quick Update

Just a quick update. Little boy has been kicking like crazy today, cant wait til DH can feel it!

Things that have happened in the last 10 or so days

Well the reason that i haven't written in my blog since the 10th June is because my computer has been out of action and my brother who is a computer nerd has been trying to fix it.

A lot of stuff has been happening in SWB for a while now and well it has only really come to the surface, (mostly because some people have been hasseling others to find out).Well anyway i found out some stuff (mostly what really people thought, and also how they thought about me) and it really got me down. I thought that we were there to support each other with no matter what happend and i guess we ALL werent really doing that. And i guess as most things go, some girls formed bonds outside the world or internet (as they were able to) and they moved on. But that doesnt matter now, as we have now made stronger bonds with each other and we are support each other as we really should be.


Anyway moving along, i have had my second ultra sound and found out that i am having a little BOY!!! It is so exciting (althought i didn't care what gender it was as long as it comes out happy and healthy). We have now started to buy stuff and i guess i have this image in my head that he is going to be so tiny so the stuff we have bought looks so big.
Mind you i had to go into the ultra sound place two days in a row as he was being a naughty boy and wasn't doing what he was told lol.

I have also went to another appointment with Dr Davis and he is really happy with the way things are going. Although i haven't asked him any really big questions yet (ie about the birth and other general things) so i better start thinking of some question and start writing them down so i can ask them.

Also another mile stone for me i made it to 20 weeks and i am half way, i am so glad that things have been better this time around and i know things will just keep getting better as well.

I got my new car today, we thought that it was time for a new car as our other one was starting to cost a lot more to fix...this one will be a lot safer :)

Movement at the station

Well i haven't written here for a while but here is the short version of what has been happening over the last couple of weeks.

The day before i went to Melbourne was really crappy. I was doing something for my big boss that needed to be down straight away and i heard the other staff bitching that i hadn't down something for them...which wasn't urgent and could wait a few hours. Now i really hate what happened next because i went to an all girls school and i can handle bitching, but i burst into tears and couldn't stop crying, damn pregnancy hormones i really hate them...but things turned out alright in the end.

Melbourne trip was awesome and i was glad to see my sister. But yet again pregnancy hormones came into effect and i ended up crying the first night i was there because i missed DH too much, i didn't think it would effect me as much as it did, and when he came and picked me up from the airport i ended up crying again. But i can say this that Baby doesn't like flying at all and ended up kicking me hard when ever we took off or landed.

So it is really amazing to feel the movements i guess throught of knowing that your pregnant and it is just the thought but actually feeling it now and seeing that your belly is becoming bigger gives you that sense of that it is real again and i guess you get that feeling through out the pregnancy and i think i will get that again at my scan next week...i can't wait to see it again and find out the sex.

Secret Women's Buisness...what has happend

I feel as thought i have lost a piece of myself. Our little group seems to be falling a part. With 4 of us being pregnant it seems that we are all timid to share our news and i believe the TTCers are also afriad to tell us what is really going on as they don't want to bring down the group...but really none of us should be doing that.

I know myself coming from not having many friends as i have lived a life where i have pushed everyone out of my life due to choices i have have made and i know now where i am in my life with my depression and anxitiy i haven't been able to go out an make new friends, i call these girls my closest friends. I have been able to tell them my darkest secrets and i know that they will not judge me and they will offer adivce and support me.

This group has been there for me in more ways then one, and now that i am pregnant i want to share everything with them i want to be able to tell them what i am feeling, i want to be able to tell them the sex of the baby when i find out, i want them to be one of the first people i tell when i feel the first kick...i also want to be able to tell them the other stuff when i am having a really crappy day.

But i also want them to tell me when they are having a crappy day, i want to be that (computer) shoulder to lean on when they feel like they want to give up. I miss that awesome bond we had when we were all TTC.

Girls i miss you and i would do anything to change what is going on with us, i want my best friends back.

Today was a better day

Today was a much better day then the last too.

Although i am still really tired and have sore feet and legs i am feeling much better.

Don't really have much to write at the moment but my heart is going out to one of my FB friends she is having a break from all this trying to conceive stuff, which is understandable considering what she has been through. I have been there in her shoes and i have wanted to give up, i hope that she comes through this break and just learns to put her first and it puts her into a better mind set.

And i thought yesterday was hard...i thought wrong

After yesterdays hard day, today i think that i had a major melt down. I got into work at 0630 and there were already people there waiting to be checked in and then from there it was like chaos, the phone didn't stop ringing and people kept pressing the buzzer to come in. The nurses didn't stop and because i am the only admin in the ward i couldn't have a break let alone a drink of water (this can't be healthy for the baby). I just don't know what else i can do, if i go on a break the work doesn't get done and patients don't get checked in and if i don't go on a break it doesn't help me or baby. It really sucks!

But anyway after this really crappy day i got home and laid down on the floor and started crying. DH laid down on the floor with me while i sobbed to him how bad my day was and how i don't think i will be able to last til October when i want to take maternity leave. I feel like i need to talk to someone who has been in this postion before or to see my doctor to see what i should be doing in this situation as i don't think it is right...maybe he might be able to write me a letter to say that i need at least 2 breaks in a day or to say that i need to go to light duties so that i am not so run off my feet. Ahh we will see you never know what might happen but i do know that i am soooo looking forward to next week and seeing my sisters.

A long hard day

Well I am so glad that today is over, it has been such a long day with too many patients and not enough beds to put them on...if they want to fix anything in the health system they need to get my unit more beds.

I have been thinking i won't be able to last until October when i would like to go on Maternity leave. Work has been so hard and i spend so much time on my feet that i am only 16 weeks and my legs and feet are starting to get really sore, and its not like i can turn to someone i work with to help me out as i am the only one in my ward that does the type of work i do, which also means that i will have to train someone to do the work i do...fun...not!

I am thinking that i will talk to Dr Davis about how long i can work up til...i am guessing with my other medical problems as well that will play a factor. I have a specialist appointment in August with my Haematologist (as he didn't want to see me before unless i was having problems.) I think i will talk with Dr Davis when i see him after my 19 weeks scan....i have an appointment on the 16th June.


I guess the next big thing that i have to think of is my trip to Melbourne next week which i am really looking forward to as i haven't seen my older sister since before Christmas as she was unable to come up. so it will be a nice girls weekend as my younder sister is also coming with us...i wonder if they will let me on the flight first as i am pregnant? i will have to do some research on that.

Deciding to do something

Yesterday DH and i decided that we would start cleaning up the baby's room. So we move everything out that didn't need to be there like our spare bed and some clothes and boxes. Then we had a crazy idea that we would put the cot together and then as i cleaned it up DH asked how we would put it together...now i thought that he was making a joke and i laughed but really he was asking a valid question, as apparently my sister in law didn't give us the screws and bolts (or what ever that puts it together. (rolling my eyes) She gave us the cot but forgot the vital componets to put it together. So DH is going to contact her today to see if she stills has them because if she doesn't we will either have to get new ones from Bunnings or we will need to get a new cot....why do things have to be so complicated sometimes.

Also yesterday i cried like a baby. Over the past months DH has been downloading me Grey's Anatomy as i couldn't wait for it to come on TV....but anyway on Thursday in the US it was the season finial and DH downloaded it for me on Friday night so that i could watch it Saturday morning when i got up.
So when i got up on Saturday DH made me breakfast set me up in front of the TV and turned it on...IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES EVER!!!! I am not going to give anything away (unless you want me too) but i cried like a baby...and Meredith my heart goes out for you (great now i am thinking that her character is real lol) well i have been there where she is...and that is all i am saying.

Today is looking like another day where i am going to bored...last night DH and i were so bored that we went for a drive to Maccas to get ice cream...and we didn't go to the closest Maccas either. Hopefully we can pick up those screws or what ever for the cot and we can put that together.

Sexual tension

Well i think i am in that second stage now, and i have read that this can happen. I have started to feel like i need sex...and it doesn't seem normal...i am usually a very sexual person and before i was preganant i had a very high sex drive, but when i found i was pregnant i was a bit scared of having sex as i thought that it would be a bit ruff (not saying that we have really ruff sex) but with losing 2 babies i was a bit nervous about having sex.

But getting back to the point i feel like i really need it now. Like today i was following one of the maintance men at work today and i felt like that cartoon character that was really hungery and was looking at a person and that person was a steak...and well i really want that steak. But i really love my husband and i would never cheat on him and i would never even think of cheating on him but i think that it is all the hormones going crazy...also i see my husband as that steak as well.

Don't you love the curve balls that pregnancy throws you

Any on the pregnany front today i was feeling a little sick but i think it was because i didn't have a break...well im going to have to start making sure that i have breaks.

Today i also met an amazing lady that was have a surgery today to suture her cervex. She has a child that is now 21 year old and now she is 13 weeks pregnant with her second child and she is 44 year old. Lastr year in september she had brain surgery and the doctors told her family that if she put into her brain she could bleed to death...well she went against odds and had the surgery and once she was better she had IVF and now she is 13 weeks it is so amazing

blah

Well i have made a decission that i was going to writ in here everyday from now on, but...i have no idea what to say really.

Well that i am feeling today is flat. I am tired, and my arms and legs feel heavy i think work is just getting to me. i do a lot of walking and standing and i am thinking that this might be effecting me. I might have to talk to my boss and see if i can start taking more breaks...i don't know if i will be able to get them but there is no harm in trying.

All going well

I was glad after my appointment today with Dr Davis today, i was starting to worry that things weren't going to well with baby. But after i heard the heart beat that sound filled my ears and it was like i was in heaven. Hearing that beating is so amazing.

Dr Davis said that everything was going well and that he didn't want to see me until after my next scan which is on the 19th May and it is also after i come back from Melbourne when my sisters and i will be spending some quality time together.

Haven't felt any movement yet but i am not concerned about it now as i got to hear the heart beat. But i think i feel something but i am kinda not sure if it is real or not and i haven't told DH about it as i don't want him to think that i am feeling phantom movements...lets just wait for the real thing.

Another day another dollar

Well i think i am getting really sick of working and being pregnant...is it a little bit too soon to be thinking this?

I am just sick of not being able to take a break when i need to, to eat or being able to sit down when my feet are getting tired. But hey i am just having a whinge, i am getting paid right.

Leaving work early tomorrow so i can make it to my OB appointment on time tomorrow.

Computers are a pain in the ass

I know that this isn't really a baby subject but computers are really the biggest pain in the ass!!!

Last night our lap top charger decided that it would spark and start smoking and spread this disgusting smelling smell around the house. So DH turned off the lap top and took the charger out of the laptop and Myself, Hamish (the kitten) and Dh when and sat on our front pourch for about an hour while inside aired out with all the windows and doors were open...it also didn't help that last night was really cold, but DH and i had a good talk as we watched Hamish explore his outside surroundings.


Anywho today we spent our day looking for a computer screen as my parents had a spare computer tower thingie lying around as my older brother who is living with them at the moment is always trying to make thier computers better and faster, so that saved us a bit of money, also we got a great deal on a computer screan as one of the computer stores near us were having a sale.


SO ON THE BABY FRONT.

Things seem to be going well as i am having couple of twingers which have be slightly painful like a quick stabbing pain, but it has been something i have been able to handle. I am also seeing Dr Davis on Tuesday for my every 3 weeks appointment so i will let him know that i have been having these pains, but as he has an ultra sound machine in his office i am sure he will have a look at baby to see if it is ok.

Also I haven't bee able to shake this cold i have had. DH is slightly worried as last night i was coughing for 2 hours none stop during the night, but i guess it is a hard thing to stop as i am not able to take anything for it...but i guess that is another thing to tell Dr Davis about and he might have some words of wisdom for me.

I don't feel right doing it

I have noticed that DH and i haven't bought any baby items yet. I know when have been given some things but we haven't actually gone out and bought anything for ourseleves to so that we could show that "hey we are having a baby".

i am wondering if it is that we have a little bit of guilt doing it as we were so excited when i was pregnant with Jensen. But with this baby we are super nervous and i have been wraped out in bubble wrap and i guess we don't want to buy anything just in case something happens.

As DH` and i have a couple of days off this week i have asked him we can go in tomorrow and buy something, even if it is a blanket. I know when we lost Jensen we wraped him up in a the first baby blanket we bought him to keep him warm and safe.

Mother's Day

All day i have not been able to get over that this day will be my last not being a mother. It is an amazing feeling knowing that it wont be long until i will be able to feel my baby kick and that it won't be too far away until i can hold my baby.

i am just hoping that i will be a great mother like my mother. She is such an amazing woman.

Cold is still hanging around.

Well my cold is still here...(oh i wish it was gone) but other then that nothing much is going on. So i hope something interesting happens tomorrow.

Pregnant and I have a cold.

This is so annoying!!!

Usually when i have a cold i go straight to the chemist and get some cold and flu tablets and that does the trick...but of course being pregnant you cant really take anything so i am keeping up the fulids and lying on the couch...when is this cold going to go away?

The Unfairness of life

I know in life there are things that are uncontrollable but in some ways i wish that our bodies and the babies that grown in our bodies could be something that we can control.

Our lives and the life of our baby should be in our hands and no one should be able to take that way from us. The sadness I feel in this moment for one of my close friends who had her sweet little angel taken away from her and her husband is nothing that i can put into words.

Losing a baby is something i want no one to go through, i wish her and her husband all the love and support in the world.

Been awhile and things have changed

It has been such a long time that i have posted on here and things have changed so much. I am now pregnant, i am actually closing in on my 14th week and my husband and i are so excited!

The things i have missed out posting on here are:

6 weeks 1 day (Monday 15th March 2010) ~ After a scare on the weekend after noticing what look like old blood (some sort of brown substance that i thought looked like old blood) i went into see my Doctor and he sent me for a ultra sound. This day was one of the most exciting and scary days of my life. I didnt know wheathe my baby was alive, but once i saw that ultra sound as saw the little heart flickering on the screen i cried. My husband finially had something right going on in our lives after our two losses that we had already had.

6 weeks - 12 weeks (Sunday 14th March 2010 - 25th April 2010) ~ Morning sickness. What else can i say too this? I thought the idea of pregnancy was so romantic and then you get the constant nausea and gagging and if you are one of the lucky ones you get the vomiting as well. Thankfully i only had one day of vomiting and believe me that was enough. I think for about the first two weeks of morning sickness all i ate was rice crakers. But now that it is all over i can now eat normally.

11 weeks 6 days (Friday 23rd March 2010) ~ 2nd ultra sound. One of the most amazing moments in my life. Watching my husbands face light up as the baby appeared on the monitor made my heart melt and tears come from my eyes. It looked so life like and seeing its little legs kick as well i cant get over how beautiful it was.

12 weeks 2 days (Tuesday 27th April 2010) ~ first appointment with Obstetrician. I was really nervous as i was sure what i should expect at this appointment, but he was really awesome. When my husband and i went in he took my medical history and also checked out my baby. Once that was all down he told me that my pregnancy was not going to be straight forward (which both my husband and i knew) and he asked for me to come in every 3 weeks so that he could keep a close eye on me. Then he filled out my admission papers for the hospital and gave me a blood test referral and sent me on my way.

So the date is now 7th May 2010 and everything is going wonderfully! I have my appointment booked for the hospital and i have also booked the prenatal classes as well. I am so looking forward to this journey.

CD 31/ 13 DPO...

I am feeling really depressed this morning, i took my temperature and it had dropped...quite a lot. Then i tested and got a BFN.

I get the feeling that this is never going to happen, that we are never going to get the much needed baby that we have always wanted. And i know i am an awful person when i see other people that are pregnant or that have children and i think they shouldn't have them, or if you see a person that are trying for their 5th or their 7th, it is like "haven't you got enough already?"

i guess some back story, i have miscarried twice and we have been actively trying for a baby since August 2008, so our 6 months will be up soon. On January 12th 2010 i was diagnosed with polycystic Ovaries. The Doctor said that i had a good diagnosis and that he expects that before my 12 months are up i will be pregnant, and said that if i am not pregnant by August 2010 to come back and see him.

I think the Doctor got my hopes up, and i think i was hoping that this was my month...but God i was wrong. This is my 5th cycle that i have got a BFN and the 5th cycle that i have come face to face with the disappointment that i am not pregnant.