Probably about 2dpo

I had the worst cramping on CD 14 when I O'ed...it was the worst pain that I have ever felt...it was up there with contractions. DH was about ready to take me to the hospital, but I informed him that it was probably the Clomid working and getting those eggs to meep his spermies lol, although I did promis him that if the pain got worse he could send me to the hospital.

I did another OPK on CD 15 and it was negative so I am keeping everything crossed that we managed to catch that egg, it would be a great early birthday present for DH as his birthday is on the 16th and I can probably start testing from the 7th. I see Dr Davis on the 9th and he will probably give me a blood test to get my HCG tested if we get a positive HPT. Although our next step is on the 3rd when I get my 21 day blood test done, and I will probably get the results of that on the 9th as well.

One thing I will really love us that if we are UTD this cycle we will get the BFP on around DH birthday and bub will be due around my birthday (mine is the 16th September) my friend says that it is fate, and I am a big believer of fate. It would be so special if it comes true.

O Day!

I O'ed today!!!...well go a positive OPK.

So excited that today it happened, just like Dr Davis said it would. I am keeping everything crossed that this cycle it happens.

We have been doing the deed since 25th December and will continue doing it until the 29th December. I am also going to be enjoying my new year with a couple of drinks and then test about the 9th or 10th Jan.

Please keep everything crossed for me.

New years resolutions

I usually think around this time of year about what I will do to make the next year a better year, but I think anything I do next year wont make this year a distant memory.

This year has tested my marriage with DH having an affair in January/February of this year, and that had created in itself a mired of other obstacles to over come. I miscarried in April this year, or 3rd loss overall which just creates more pain in my heart. In July I am diagnosed with PCOS and started on metformin. November I discover that I haven't been ovulating and am given a referral to see Dr Davis. Dr Favis starts gives me a scrip for Clomid. December (the 14th to be exact) I started Clomid, and in that cycle I remain to finish out the year.

I am hoping to start the New Year differently this year. I don't want any fights, I don't want to be thinking about last year (even though it was the first full year with my son, and that has been ruined by my DH stupidity), I just want to forget about this year completely. If I get up the duff this cycle I will be due to test around DH birthday 16th January) so that will be a great present for him, as I will keep it a secret from him and wrap the test up as a present for him.

I know you are not meant to use a pregnancy as keeping a couple together, and please don't think I am, but I am thinking that me becoming pregnant at the beginning of next year, where all the crap of last year stared would be a great new beginning for us both. I love my husband and I know what he did was wrong, and he knows that he has hurt me so much, and he has tried so hard over this year to glue this family back together, and I can't see myself having children with anyone else.

So my New Years Resolutions are:

- to become pregnant

- to lose weight

- to get a tattoo (have been wanting Lachlan's name plus so other meaningful ones for a while now)

- to continue studying

- to keep mending my relationship with DH.

These are the major things I want to happen and I believe they are reachable if I am in the right mindset.

As for For me trying to conceive I am currently CD 10. I am still feeling the hot flushes and the metformin is still giving me the dry mouth so I am trying to keep up the fluids.

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

Do know what it is about this song but it just seemed to fit the crap of a year I had

CD 8

I took my last Clomid tablet on CD 6 and I know I was a little bit moody but I seem to be better at the moment...well with the medication anyway.

Things with DH have been up and down and that is due to a number of factors, which I don't feel up to talking about right now.

I congratulated my sister in law...even though I didn't really want to...but I am the stronger and bigger person.

And the Crap just keeps on coming...

Well since my last post things have gotten a little better but today I am back to being emotional (and the pills might not being helping).

On Wednesday 14th December I started my first round of Clomid and I have been nausea ever since then. And I think that these pills are making me bitchy.

But today I found out that my sister in law is pregnant (this is the one that said horrible things to me when I lost Jensen). I am so emotional and hurt.

Hurt

I am feeling so hurt right now and I don't know of anyone I can turn to.

My heart is breaking and I feel so betrayed. So dirty.

I don't know how I can express how I am feeling or tell him how he has made me feel.

The tears have continuously been rolling down my cheeks since he told me. The anger has been bubbling to boiling point and at one point last night it spilled over in an outburst of rage. My chest is sore from uncontrollable sobbing.

But still I sit here not knowing what I should do. My head is all confused and clouded, my heart is in a million pieces and can't be found. How am I meant to make this decision? How am I meant to make the decision that will change our lives forever? How am I meant to say I failed?

Is it actually my fault? Did I cause this? Was there something that I could have done to prevent this?

Why do bad things always happen to me?

7 Days Past Ovulation

I am so excited about this cycle!!

I love that I ovulated all by myself, the thought that we didn't need anything to help us, is truly blessing.

So far I feel like I have been having some symptoms (and I think this is why I am getting so excited...and I hope that this won't end in tears). The symptoms that I have been feeling are:

- Nausea
- Fatigue
- frequent peeing
- Cramps...and they don't feel like period type cramps.

I know I am only 7 days past ovulation but I really needed to take a pregnancy test just to deal with that little addiction, and it was negative which I knew it would be, but I hope over the next couple of days it becomes positive, when I fell pregnant with Lachlan I got a positive pregnancy test at 11 days past ovulation, so fingers crossed that this is our month!