Thoughts on bub #3

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future in terms of more babies. My parents have told me that I shouldn't have anymore due to the problems I had with my pregnancy with Charlotte and that 2 is enough, but to me 2 isn't enough, I don't feel finished.

I have always said that when in my heart I feel done, then I will be done. I don't want to have the what ifs in years to come about whether or not I should of had more children.

Then I thought about the problems in my last pregnancy and how much it took a toll on my body, but every pregnancy is different and I had a beautiful pregnancy with Lachlan and only had a problem with the delivery and we have sorted that now and I now know I need to have a c-section when having a bub.

DH is also worried about having more kids and some how thinks I won't be able to fall pregnant again or that I won't be able to carry the baby to term. I think the only person that isn't worried us myself.

Having another bub is not going to happen straight away, not even next year. I have to give my incision time to heal and I need to give my mind time to heal again. Next year is going to be about me. I am going to focus on losing weight which I have left over from having Lachlan as I only put on 3kg with her and I lost all that when I had her...as it helped that she is 2.7kg lol. I am also going to continue studying as well.

I have thought about trying when Charlotte is 2, Lachlan will also be close to being 4 which will make life a bit easier and which will hopefully mean when bub #3 is here it will be the only one in nappies, also when bub #3 is due it will mean that Lachlan will be close to or in kindergarten. I can't believe is said that kindergarten!

In other matters Charlotte is coming up to the end of her 4th week on Zantac. This is when we will stop it and see if it has any effect on her and if things have improved. If they haven't we will be upping her dose and continuing the Zantac and will need to see the paediatrician again.

Also we have hit the terrible twos in full force and Lachlan has upped the tantrums. Hopefully this is the worst of it...fingers crossed.

This and that

Well it has been a long week. DH started night shift last Sunday which basically has seen me turned into a single mum as he works all night and sleeps all day. It has been an eye opener and really does test your patients. Thankfully the kids haven't been too bad, although the first night DH went to work Lachlan saw him leave through his window and started crying out "I want daddy!" I guess it is probably hard for a 2 year old to comprehend that daddy now goes to work at night now, not during the day.

Charlotte has done well through all this and has let me have decent block sleeps, going to sleep at about 8.30pm and waking up at about 4 or 5 in the morning, though it doesn't help that Lachlan loves to wake up at about 6-6.30am.

It has also has taken a bit to get used to that DH is at home but asleep, and with a 2 year old it is hard to keep him at an inside voice rather then screaming his lungs out, but hey terrible twos are here so probably not the best time to start night shift lol.

Lachlan's birthday party (the one at our place) was on the 10th November and he got totally spoilt, also his party with Nanny (DH's Mum) he got spoilt as well, though they don't really buy age appropriate toys which I find annoying as I am the bad mum that takes them away from him as I don't want him getting hurt or swallowing parts (insert eye roll).

The party with Poppy (DH's dad) has been cancelled as he is getting married on the 24th November and DH and I didn't see the point of taking up to big drives to place in a short space of time.

An update of Charlotte's reflux things were good for a while, although now she seems to be bring up her feeds again and having screaming session. I am starting to think that see needs her dose upped as she has now put on more weight. I am going to need to make an appointment with her paediatrician so we can get it sorted.

On my front I am still seeing J my psychologist and we have been hitting some tuff subjects, but thankfully she is giving me ways to cope. I am also still taking my medication as well and I have hit my third week on it.

Happy 2nd Birthday Lachlan!

I can't believe it my baby boy turns 2 today, it has just gone so quick!

17 hours of labour and an emergency c-section was all worth it to have this beautiful little man in my arms today. He constantly surprises and amazes me with what he does and what he has achieved in his past 2 years of his life.

DH and I are so incredibly proud of him in every way, especially with how he has accepted Charlotte into our family. He is so in love with his little sister and very protective.

Yesterday he had the first if his parties (he is having 3 parties due to DHs parents, but that is a whole other story), it went so well and everyone enjoyed themselves. Lachlan got really spoilt (as usual) and crashed at 6pm last night and didn't wake up until 7.30 this morning, so he partied really hard yesterday.

Today we are meeting up with DH mum and her husband for lunch (2nd party).

Shrink session.

Who turns up 20 minutes for there psychologist appointment?...me that's who. I am sitting in the waiting room and again I am thinking about walking out the door.

Is this really for me? Is this really going to work?

These are the thoughts that are running through my head. I am trying to be positive about these appointments (ok I know I have only been to 1 appointment) but I keep thinking deep down I am waisting my time and J's.

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So I just had my appointment, in some ways I am glad I went to it but in other ways I'm not. We hit some hard areas and I got really anxious. J says that it would be good to let go and to talk about what happened to me, but my head is holding me back.

I haven't told anyone about what happened to me and only DH knows parts. This is going to really take a lot out of me to talk about it.

Anyway on another note my little Charlie Bear is now weighing 4.5kg