Taking a turn.

I feel things are taking a turn, I am just hoping that they are going in the right direction.

I saw my psychologist yesterday and it was the first time since seeing J that I feel confident that I am doing the right thing. I went in there and was able to talk to her as if I was talking to a friend and I feel like we are getting somewhere. I know there is still a long way to go, but we are making progress.

Also an old friend has come back into my life. Lets call him A. I haven't seen A since his wife had there first baby almost 4 years ago. We are meeting up for a drunk tomorrow which will be great, so we can catch up on things.

Charlotte has hit 3 months and her reflux has kicked up a notch. She is starting to vomit again and have screaming periods. I have a friend from my BH Nov group that has 2 beautiful girls who unfortunately have reflux and she has told me that things get a bit worse at about 3 months, but then tends to balance out when they start solids.

Wow I can't believe that we ate going to start talking about solids. With Lachlan time went so slowly, but with Charlotte time is flying past, though with having 2 kids taking up your time it does go quickly.

Charlotte is also starting to coo. It is so cute hearing all those little noises come out of her mouth.

While Lachlan has his 2 weeks off Childcare we're going to start toilet training. I am excited and nervous about this next stage in his development. One good thing is that we will only have one bub in nappies, but it will be a lot of hard work and it truly mean that he is no long a baby/toddler, but a big boy. Again he is growing up too fast.

Thoughts on bub #3

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future in terms of more babies. My parents have told me that I shouldn't have anymore due to the problems I had with my pregnancy with Charlotte and that 2 is enough, but to me 2 isn't enough, I don't feel finished.

I have always said that when in my heart I feel done, then I will be done. I don't want to have the what ifs in years to come about whether or not I should of had more children.

Then I thought about the problems in my last pregnancy and how much it took a toll on my body, but every pregnancy is different and I had a beautiful pregnancy with Lachlan and only had a problem with the delivery and we have sorted that now and I now know I need to have a c-section when having a bub.

DH is also worried about having more kids and some how thinks I won't be able to fall pregnant again or that I won't be able to carry the baby to term. I think the only person that isn't worried us myself.

Having another bub is not going to happen straight away, not even next year. I have to give my incision time to heal and I need to give my mind time to heal again. Next year is going to be about me. I am going to focus on losing weight which I have left over from having Lachlan as I only put on 3kg with her and I lost all that when I had her...as it helped that she is 2.7kg lol. I am also going to continue studying as well.

I have thought about trying when Charlotte is 2, Lachlan will also be close to being 4 which will make life a bit easier and which will hopefully mean when bub #3 is here it will be the only one in nappies, also when bub #3 is due it will mean that Lachlan will be close to or in kindergarten. I can't believe is said that kindergarten!

In other matters Charlotte is coming up to the end of her 4th week on Zantac. This is when we will stop it and see if it has any effect on her and if things have improved. If they haven't we will be upping her dose and continuing the Zantac and will need to see the paediatrician again.

Also we have hit the terrible twos in full force and Lachlan has upped the tantrums. Hopefully this is the worst of it...fingers crossed.

This and that

Well it has been a long week. DH started night shift last Sunday which basically has seen me turned into a single mum as he works all night and sleeps all day. It has been an eye opener and really does test your patients. Thankfully the kids haven't been too bad, although the first night DH went to work Lachlan saw him leave through his window and started crying out "I want daddy!" I guess it is probably hard for a 2 year old to comprehend that daddy now goes to work at night now, not during the day.

Charlotte has done well through all this and has let me have decent block sleeps, going to sleep at about 8.30pm and waking up at about 4 or 5 in the morning, though it doesn't help that Lachlan loves to wake up at about 6-6.30am.

It has also has taken a bit to get used to that DH is at home but asleep, and with a 2 year old it is hard to keep him at an inside voice rather then screaming his lungs out, but hey terrible twos are here so probably not the best time to start night shift lol.

Lachlan's birthday party (the one at our place) was on the 10th November and he got totally spoilt, also his party with Nanny (DH's Mum) he got spoilt as well, though they don't really buy age appropriate toys which I find annoying as I am the bad mum that takes them away from him as I don't want him getting hurt or swallowing parts (insert eye roll).

The party with Poppy (DH's dad) has been cancelled as he is getting married on the 24th November and DH and I didn't see the point of taking up to big drives to place in a short space of time.

An update of Charlotte's reflux things were good for a while, although now she seems to be bring up her feeds again and having screaming session. I am starting to think that see needs her dose upped as she has now put on more weight. I am going to need to make an appointment with her paediatrician so we can get it sorted.

On my front I am still seeing J my psychologist and we have been hitting some tuff subjects, but thankfully she is giving me ways to cope. I am also still taking my medication as well and I have hit my third week on it.

Happy 2nd Birthday Lachlan!

I can't believe it my baby boy turns 2 today, it has just gone so quick!

17 hours of labour and an emergency c-section was all worth it to have this beautiful little man in my arms today. He constantly surprises and amazes me with what he does and what he has achieved in his past 2 years of his life.

DH and I are so incredibly proud of him in every way, especially with how he has accepted Charlotte into our family. He is so in love with his little sister and very protective.

Yesterday he had the first if his parties (he is having 3 parties due to DHs parents, but that is a whole other story), it went so well and everyone enjoyed themselves. Lachlan got really spoilt (as usual) and crashed at 6pm last night and didn't wake up until 7.30 this morning, so he partied really hard yesterday.

Today we are meeting up with DH mum and her husband for lunch (2nd party).

Shrink session.

Who turns up 20 minutes for there psychologist appointment?...me that's who. I am sitting in the waiting room and again I am thinking about walking out the door.

Is this really for me? Is this really going to work?

These are the thoughts that are running through my head. I am trying to be positive about these appointments (ok I know I have only been to 1 appointment) but I keep thinking deep down I am waisting my time and J's.

-------------------------------------------

So I just had my appointment, in some ways I am glad I went to it but in other ways I'm not. We hit some hard areas and I got really anxious. J says that it would be good to let go and to talk about what happened to me, but my head is holding me back.

I haven't told anyone about what happened to me and only DH knows parts. This is going to really take a lot out of me to talk about it.

Anyway on another note my little Charlie Bear is now weighing 4.5kg

A Different Frame of Mind.

So it is Day 1 of taking my antidepressants. Now I might have forgotten to mention in other postings that I went and saw my GP to let him know that I felt like I am relapsing. He in turn set up an appointment with a psychologist, which I attended last Friday and asked me to come back on Monday (yesterday). So I did.

As I have been there and done that with shrink appointments and antidepressants he thought that the best course of action for myself would be to go on medication and to do that hand in hand with the psychology appointments.

In the past I haven't had the best run of luck with psychologists as I feel they can't talk or help me about what happened to me unless they have been through it themselves. This time as I am sick of relapsing I am going in with a different frame of mind. I am going in thinking that Julie (that is the psychologists name) will be able to help me over come this obstacle in my life.

We have only really touched base on a couple of things as the initial appointment was only to get some basic details and to explain how she runs her sessions and so far I am happy about that.

I have also decided that I am going to record the goings on of the appointments. At this stage I am not TTC or pregnant so really this blog will be pretty quite unless I blog about the kids and I didn't really set this blog up to be all about babies.

Proud Mummy Moment

Yesterday was my cousins wedding. The ceremony started at 4.30 which we knew was going to be a horrible time for us with the kids.

I was basically running around like a chicken with my grad cut off trying to find everyone's clothes and making sure that they were ironed.

Then the weather turned cold.

Lachlan was originally going to wear shorts, so in the end he ended up wearing jeans, but still looked handsome. Charlotte was wearing a pretty dress which I ended up putting a white jumpsuit under her, tights and wrapped her up in a very warm blanket.

Once we finished getting ready (I ended up getting 2 kids, 1 husband, 1 sister and myself ready) we headed to the wedding.

Lachlan was an absolute gem. He was polite didn't get cranky at anyone with the amount of hugs he was getting and didn't run down the aisle when the ceremony was taking place.Charlotte was the same and only cracked it after the ceremony when it was feeding time.

As the reception was so late DH and I thought that we wouldn't be able to stay long, but once again my children surprised me. Lachlan ate his dinner with no problems, stayed happy, clapped and danced. Charlotte fed and slept until we came home and fed again.

I am so proud of my children, they surprise me at every turn.

A downer post

Things are still crap. Charlotte's reflux isn't getting any better and the Losec just seems to be making things worse with more violent projectile vomits and more long days and nights if her crying and screaming. She has also had this cough since birth that hasn't gone away.

I called her paediatrician today, but unfortunately he was extremely busy and he didn't get back to me today, so he will be getting another call from me tomorrow and I will also be taking her to the GP tomorrow to see if he can do anything for us and I will also get him to check out why she has this cough.

I will also be seeing the doctor as my anxiety is rearing its ugly head again. I know it is because of the added stress of Charlotte's reflux and because of the lack of sleep. I have also been feeling down and flat, I know I don't have post natal depression as I have regular depression and I know with having a child I am prone to becoming depressed as it happened after I had Lachlan, but that also came about with the other things that were going on in my life then.

Update on Charlotte and Babywearing

Had Charlotte's appointment with her paediatrician today and he confirmed that she has reflux, which we already knew. He was happy we changed her formula to Novalac reflux and has also given us a script to start her on Losec. I am really happy that we are getting somewhere now and we will be able to get on top of this.

Last Saturday (13/10) DH, Lachlan, Charlotte and I went to a Babywearing day (as it was Babywearing week last week). It turned out to be a really great morning. I was really worried that we weren't going to enjoy ourselves as I wasn't really sure if I would be into Babywearing.

So DH and I had a chat to a few people and watched some demonstrations but I still wasn't sure until it came to taking the celebratory photo. A wonderful lady came up and asked if I could wear her wrap (which was beautiful) in the photo, I said yes although I probably didn't sound too enthusiastic about it, but once the wrap was on....oh my god! It was so damn comfortable it was unbelievable! I could barely feel that Charlotte was on me.

Right there and then I was converted.

I am currently borrowing a warp from that wonderful lady and have been looking at wraps on www.wovenwraps.com.au and looking at getting an Ellevill. They are such beautiful wraps, I only wish I knew about all this when I had Lachlan.

Speaking if Lachlan we are still struggling a bit with his sleep as he isn't going down by himself, although he is going down and staying asleep till 4am with help from daddy as DH is laying in bed with him until he falls asleep.

I HATE REFLUX!!!

My poor baby girl is in so much pain and there is nothing as can do to help her.

This reflux is kicking all of our asses!

We started her on Novalac Reflux formula today and I am helping that this will be able to provide her some relief. If not i will be ringing the pediatrician and getting an earlier appointment as she needs more help.

It is really painful to watch her in so much pain.

On another note Lachlan has been having a few sleep issues, but I think we are getting on top of it finally.

I think my baby girl has reflux :(

All yesterday Charlotte was vomiting during and after feeds, they haven't been small vomits either they have been quite big. This really concerned DH and I as she isn't a big baby (born weighting 2.7kg 4 weeks ago) and we thought we should get her checked out.

I rang our GP as Charlotte still doesn't have a Medicare number and they said we can bring her in anytime during the day and she will be seen straight away.

Once we dropped Lachlan off at my parents we went straight in, and like they said on the phone we were called in as soon as we sat down in the waiting room.

As soon as we told him about the vomiting our GP said that it sounded very much like reflux :(

We have our 6 weekly check up with the pediatrician anyway on the 17th of October and our GP said to let him know, and that if we have any problems we can ring and get an appointment sooner.

There has been the mention of medication as well and it is making me so sad that once again there is something wrong with my baby. She just can't get a break.

Sick bubba boy

My poor little bubba boy is sick...again! Damn childcare! I swear he gets something and by the time he gets over it there is something new for him to catch.

He has had this really nasty cough which at some stages makes him vomit. It makes me so sad that I can't do anything to help him, thankfully the chemist gave us some herbal stuff to help him and nurofen and panadol have been keeping his temp down.

I am just trying to keep it away from Charlotte and so far I have been able to keep it away from her thank God.

Not much to report really around here at this stage.

Update

Last week was my first week when I was officially a stay at home mum of 2 and let me tell you, it was a little harder then I first thought.

The 2 children on their own I can handle, but put them together it creates a bit of hair pulling.

Lachlan was thankfully was in childcare Monday and Tuesday so I got to figure out how Charlotte and I work on our own and I actually got a fair bit of studying done.

Come Wednesday that is when it started. Lachlan has that whole toilet training training thing going on so that just makes this whole situation a bit harder, also it doesn't help that we have the terrible 2s starting as well.

By Thursday Lachlan was pushing my buttons a bit and I was wanting to throw him out the window (but don't worry I controlled myself). I was glad that DH came home early from work that day.

On Friday Lachlan and I must have come to an understanding as he was a good little boy and was really helpful.

Charlotte on those days was a dream as usual. I am sure that once she has more awake time there will be more work there.

I am still feeling dark and twisty and I have told DH that is how I am feeling but we haven't talked about it. I am not sure that we will talk about it in the short term.

DH and I are also going to organise a holiday for the end of next year (when Charlotte is 1). We are looking up North, probably the Whitsundays. So my weightless goal is aimed towards there.

Dark and twisties...once again.

As you can imagine things around here has been really crappy and the weather has really gone with my mood, dark, cold and uninviting.

There is always two times in the year that I spiral into the dark and twisties, when Jensen left us and when I was raped.

I have come to accept things with what happened when I was raped, and I know accept is probably not the right word but I really can't think of one at this time. But when you compare the two horrible events I would take remembering my rape over and over again if it means that I could have my son back.

I became depressed after I had Lachlan, who was my first earth bound bub as I felt that Jensen might think that I was replacing him, but I over come that and knew that even though Jensen wasn't here being Lachlan's big brother in physical form he was doing it from heaven.

This time around with Charlotte as it is so close to his Angelversary and my hormones are still messed up, I once again feel like he might feel like I am forgetting about him and replacing him with another child.

I haven't talked to DH about how I feel this time around, I guess I know what he will say so I am try to work through it, but what I probably really need is a slap across the face to snap out of it.

Happy 4th Angelversary Jensen

Today is our baby Jensen's Angelversary and I have written him a little letter.

Sweet Jensen,

It has been 4 years since you grew your wings and became heaven bound and we miss you so much, and in those 4 years not a day has gone by where we have not missed you.

We love you so much and in that short time that I carried you and your Daddy and I held you in our arms we knew right there and then we were the luckiest parents in the world. 

I so wish you could have met your brother Lachlan. He is such a cheeky, happy and energetic boy who really keeps us on our toes. You would have had such a good time playing with him. I also wish you could have met your new baby sister Charlotte who was born 3 weeks ago, I know you would have been so helpful at this time. Both your Daddy and I know that you would have been a great big brother. 

My baby boy Jensen, I wouldn't trade the moments that I had with you for the world, and I am so glad you choose me to be your Mummy. 

I love you so much.

The 100 Day Challenge

I recently received an email from my good friend at Work Life Bliss and fellow Nov 2010 mum about how to finish the year off strong. She has recently registered to an on-line goal setting program called The 100 day challenge, the idea of this challenge is to pick five challenges (could be anything from weight loss to cleaning your house) and create an action plan which will make you accountable for the following 100 days (which will see you out to the end of the year). 

I personally couldn't love this idea more! I think it is a fantastic way to either complete something you started at the start of 2012 and haven't finished or start something that you have been meaning to do all year. As part of the 100 day challenge it asks you to start and end the day with a personal win, which I also think is a great idea as you will will be able to start the day with that perfect release of endorphins which gives you that nice happy high and also end in the exact same way so you will feel like you have achieved something. 

I have already sat down and created my list of 5 challenges to finish the year off (as I have noticed that there is a little less then 100 days to go). 

            To finishthe current unit that I am studying through OTEN, then ask for more units.

-      On the days that Lachlan has childcare and betweenfeeding and settling Charlotte I can study. I will also create a space so I canstudy while looking after both Lachlan and Charlotte on non-childcare days, asdifficult as this might be, anything is achievable if you put your mind too it

                 Begin exercising.

-      Once fully recovered from my C-section and have beengiven the go ahead by Dr Davis to exercise I will start walking, then graduallyimplement an easy to follow exercise programme that I can do early in themorning before Lachlan and Charlotte wake or I can do while they sleep duringthe day.

                 Healtheating.

-      Watching what I put on my plate and what I put into mymouth. I will gradually lesson my meal sizes and start implementing good eatinghabits.

                 Distress mylife.

-      Find easier ways to do things and stop taking the longway around. As I am a new mum of 2 I need to find easier ways I can achieve mydaily goals.

                 Fun ideas for the kids.

-     Finding new ways to entertain Lachlan on non-childcaredays while I tend to Charlotte and start to get into a bit of a routine withher. I will document the ideas I come up with so I don’t risk of repeatingthings 2 days in a row and so that I can return to that idea if it was successful.

I feel that all these challenges are achievable and if I don't achieve

them before the end of 2012 I will be able to at least start them and

turn them into new year resolutions :)

A bit of an update.

My little Charlie Bear is a bit over 2 weeks now and is doing beautifully. We have upped some of her bottles as we were finding that she was getting a bit more hungry at some stages of the day and it has helped her settle a little better at these times.

Charlotte is still not fitting into 0000 but her premmie clothes are getting a little tight so we will be moving up a size soon which I think is 00000.

We had my dad's 60th yesterday and everyone was wanting cuddles with her and kept telling us how beautiful and tiny she was, but she was defiantly winning everyone over. Lachlan was also a little charmer at the party. He was so happy and was having lots of little chats with everyone. He also went without a sleep and crashed on the couch later that night.

As for myself I will be heading to the doctors tomorrow I have had some bleeding from my incision as it has split at one end. Also I passed some retained products last night (it was really gross and has me a bit freaked out) and will have to talk to my GP about it.

Totally in love with my perfect little family

What can I say I am totally in love with my little family. Things have just been totally different this time around then it was when I had Lachlan.

Lachlan's birth was just so much more traumatic then Charlotte's. With Lachlan I had 17 hours of labour and got ready to push and he became distressed and we needed to get him out quickly so an emergency c-section was our only choice. But for Charlotte things were so totally controlled and from the get go I knew what was going to happen and throughout the whole process I was kept informed.

I think because of the different births and how Charlotte's went, things have been so relaxed and I have been able to cope better and I have no anxiety. Things are just totally perfect.

We weighted Charlotte today and she has put on 300g!! Her weight at discharge from hospital was 2.5kg and today she has come back to birth weight!! I am just so proud of her. We will have an early childhood nurse appointment in the coming days to get her checked out, but I am sure that she will still be perfect.

Lachlan is also still being a perfect big brother. He is always wanting cuddles and kisses with her, which is so beautiful. I was so worried that when we brought Charlotte home that he would be jealous, but he has been totally perfect with her. The only real problem we have had with him is his sleeping and we don't know if that is because Charlotte's in our room in the bassinet so he wants to spend more time with us, or because he has seen his old room change into her room so he feels a bit displaced. We are working with him to get his good sleeping habits back.

Things with DH and I are going really well and I think Charlotte has helped us with that. Those of you have followed my blog would know what happened with DH and I when Lachlan was born and this is a problem we have faced for well over 12 months. DH has made some improvements and has tried to make up for his mistakes and I have a feeling that he has used Charlotte's birth as a new beginning for himself. I am just hoping that this a sign of good things to come.

Life with 2 kids

Things have been positively perfect with my 2 little ones and I am loving my little family.

Charlotte has been feeding every 4 hours and has been sleeping peacefully between each feed. Although I think her body is try to pass the jaundice as she is doing a lot of poos, which has given her some bad nappy rash which has started to bleed, we are using sudo cream and will start using some pawpaw cream to help. I hate seeing her in pain.

Lachlan is still being the perfect big brother, helping us with feeds by holding the bottle and helping us with nappy changes by trying to make her laugh.

I have a feeling that he is slowly making his way to terrible twos, he has started acting out a lot, which I don't think is related to Charlotte's arrival as he has been so perfect towards her. With this acting out we have created a naughty corner, which thankfully we haven't had to use as he has responded to no well. Also when I was in hospital his sleeping became horrible and he has been refusing to go to sleep, but tonight we seem to have turned a corner and I am keeping everything crossed that he continues to improve.

We have had a couple of outings as a family since Charlotte and I came home from hospital and you really can tell how small she is as the car seat straps and her pram straps are the tightest they can possibly be. It really brings it home how tiny she is.

It will be my birthday on Sunday and I will be 26! We are just going to have a low key affair but it will be beautiful as I got my birthday present early, my beautiful baby girl.

SHES HERE!!!

I would love to announce the birth of our beautiful baby girl Charlotte Lorna Mackay!

She was born on the 5th September 2012 at 6.30pm via elective c-section. Charlotte was born weighting 2.7kg (6 pounds), she is 48.5 cm tall and her head circumference is 33cm and she is absolutely perfect. 

The birth was beautifully uneventful, although I was super scared of the spinal, but the doctors and nurses explained everything to DH and me and I was really calm about the whole process. 

When she was held up in front of us when she was born she had a beautiful head of dark hair (Lachlan was basically bald when he was born), and she was oh so tiny. when they place her on my chest I was so worried that I would break her as she was all skin and bones and nothing else. 

Although we are struggling with breastfeeding at the moment and will most likely move on to formula, which I don't have a problem with as Lachlan was formula fed, she latched on perfectly. 

The first night in only my sister came into see Charlotte as it was late when we got back to the maternity ward. It was really good that she came in by herself as Charlotte's middle name is my sisters name and we really wanted her to know before the rest of the world, and my sister was over the moon. 

The second day DH brought our son Lachlan to meet his baby sisters. At first he wasn't sure about what was going on, which is totally understandable, but he did give her a big kiss. 

We came home yesterday (10/09) and Lachlan has been absolutely perfect with her giving her kisses when ever he walks past her...I am so in love with this little family we have created. 

37 weeks, 7 days

Yesterday was my OB appointment and we talk more about my c-section and my admission date (please enter excitement). I also went for a routine blood test as well which went well and they got the vein straight away.

I also had a CTG today and that went ok, although she was really sleepy, but after a good talking to from Daddy she started moving.

I am really excited about the upcoming birth, even though I know I am not going into labour. It actually feelings a bit weird going into hospital to have bubba girl but not actually be in labour.

Also tonight my boobs have started leaking which is a really weird feeling for me as this has never happened to me before, even when I had Lachlan.

37 weeks, 3 days

Got my first steroid injection today and OMG it hurt!!! Once I was given it in my right butt cheek my leg went numb for a couple of minutes. Thankfully the pain as eased and you can barely see a mark, but I am so not looking forward to tomorrows injection.

I also had a CTG today and it was the worst one I have had. There was no fluctuations or movement for 40 minutes and I was rolled on to my side to see if that would help. It didn't. The machine started alarming as it couldn't find a heart beat, but I think once I had my injection it must have given her my adrenalin rush through the cord and made her get a bit excited.

So tomorrow is my second steroid injection and the CTG Sunday.

37 weeks, 2 days

We are so close to having our baby girl...it is so exciting!!

Tuesday (28/08) I had my appointment with Dr D. We discussed the date of my c-section (which is a surprise!) and discussed what we needed to do leading up to that date. 
In the next week I need to:
29/08 - CTG and Appointment with Hematologist
31/08 - CTG and to have my first steroid injection
01/02 - 2nd Steroid injection
02/09 - CTG
03/09 - Appointment with Dr D
04/09 - CTG

So it is a busy week ahead. 

The Steroid injections that I will be having on the 31/08 and 01/09 are to help baby's lungs as she is still reading small and Dr D does not want her to have problems breathing when she is delivered. I am a bit overwhelmed with it all as I know the date of her birth is coming closer and we are still having the CTGs and we are doing preventive measures to help her when she arrives. 

Speaking of the CTGs I was told by the midwife that the one I had on the 29/08 was the best one I have had thus far, maybe bubba girl has calmed knowing that she is coming out soon lol. 

My appointment with my Hematologist on Wednesday (29/08) we got some good news as all my results have checked out perfectly and I am able to have a spinal!!! Which is such awesome news as it means that I can be awake for the birth of our bubba girl.

I am sorry if I seem to be rambling a bit but today I don't feel focused, I guess I have a lot on my mind at the moment. 

36 weeks, 6 days

Today I got some FAB news from a friend of mine. She has been trying to become pregnant for 2 years and today she got her BFP! It was a great way to start the day as I got the news right before I got up! I really can't wait to see her second line become darker.

Today I also had another CTG. I can defiantly say this one stressed me out the most. Bubs heart beat at first did not budge from 125 beats so they rolled me to my left side in hope to get a better trace, but that really didn't work and they kept losing the trace. I was really unhappy with the midwife that looked after me today as I knew what was going on and she said it was a good trace. I just had to get out of there as I was upset and I am so over doing all this. I just want my baby girl here already do I can forget about this and move on.

Tomorrow I am seeing Dr Davis so hopefully I can see what is happening this week.

36 weeks, 2 days

Had another CTG this morning and the trace was good. At one stage the cleaner vacuumed outside the room I was in and sent bubba girls heart rate skye rocketing in the hug 160s. I was so amazed to see (and feel) that she could be scared of something in the outside world. To calm her down I told her everything was ok and she was safe and that no one would hurt her, which seemed to help as she went back down to her resting heart rated of 130s.

Towards the end of the CTG she got hiccups which was really cute but didn't help with the trace as every time she hiccuped we lost the trace which didn't help but as we managed to get some good trace it didn't matter too much.

My next CTG will be on Saturday which is also when I am having a girls lunch with my MIL, and 2 SILs.

36 weeks

Bubba girl can bake for a big longer!!

Had my CTG yesterday which was perfect and bubba girl was giving us lots of kicks which was very comforting seen as though on Sunday (19/08) she was really lethargic, then we headed to my OBs.

I was so nervous to see him as I wasn't sure that bubba girl had done enough to keep baking. She had put on a bit more weight and her CTGs were good so all I kept thinking before going into my appointment was please let me keep her safe for a bit longer.

We went in pretty much straight away and no sooner did we sit down Dr D said that things had improved but still weren't ideal. He told us that he would love me to get to 38 weeks but my placenta was still deteriorating, so we are going to monitor it with continued CTGs and I may have another ultrasound next week.

It is still weighting on my mind that at any moment she may need to come out due to being in distress because she isn't thriving anymore, it also doesn't help that at the moment she doesn't way much more then a 31 weeker.

I just need to focus on the positives. She gets to keep baking and that while it isn't the ideal situation she is safer in my belly then in the world at the moment.

My next CTG is Thursday (23/08).

35 weeks, 6 days

Ultrasound day!! And bubba girl has put on some weight!!!

Oh it was just the news I wanted to hear today. I was so nervous and a bit scared as I wasn't sure of what to expect today as the possibility of having her earlier had me really worried and DH was worried as well. But hearing the great news that she has put on some weight has given us some more hope.

Tomorrow is another CTG and OB appointment where we will get more info.

35 weeks, 5 days

This morning I had a CTG and at first this weren't going so well.

I started it off by having my apple as that always seems to get her moving, and as we were planning on having brunch with my family I didn't want to hang around the hospital all morning. But unfortunately the apple had no effect on her. As soon as the monitoring equipment went on all we had was a sleep heart rate and no movement. I wasn't too concerned at this stage as I have been told by one of the midwifes before that they can sleep up to 40 minutes at a time, so DH and I turned on the TV and settled in.

As 20 minutes past and there had been and there was still no movement the midwife came in and checked on me. As there wasn't much variation in the heart rate she was slightly concerned she went and got me some apple juice to see if that would wake her up a bit.

Another 20 minutes had past and the apple juice still didn't kick in and we still weren't getting any kicks, so the midwife asked me to roll on to my left side which caused problems of its own as the monitoring equipment started to lose bubba girls heart rate and so it was sending the trace weird.

As the trace did show the right information on it as it was losing her heart rate when on my side so the midwife asked me to again roll to my back. Thankfully I think with me moving positions a number of times it must of woken her up a bit and she gave us somewhat lazy kicks to let us know that she wasn't happy that she was woken up.

Tomorrow I have my ultrasound to check on my fluid levels, my placenta and to also check if bubba girl has put on any weight. Then Tuesday I have another CTG and OB appointment.

I will report back on these too.

35 weeks, 3 days

It was a bright an early start for me this morning, needing to get myself and Lachlan up early so we could be out of the house by 6.45 to grandma and granddads (my parents) house the off to my CTG then off to my OB appointment.

The trace was good and there was no problems although at my OB appointment it was a different story. Dr D told me that my placenta isn't working as well as it should, hence why bubba girl is not putting on weight. He has asked me to continue the CTGs and I have to get an ultrasound on Monday, and depending on those results will depend on if bubba girl needs to come out sooner rather then later.

It is a bit scary and frustrating this situation. Frustrating that my body isn't doing what it is supposed to and scary that bubba girl could be her soon.

I will provide more updates as they come.

35 weeks, 2 days

Well it has been a weird couple of days. Yesterday my OB called me (and of course I miss his bloody call) and left me a voicemail message saying that he wanted to see me sooner and that he wants me to have more CTGs (enter major panic right here!!).

I automatically call DH letting him know what my OB had called me about, thankfully he had his level head on and told me that it is just probably a precaution and Dr D just probably wants to keep an eye on me until I have bub (God that he can so easily calm me down before I have a full blown panic attack).

So I try calling my OB back and the phone is engaged (typical), so I decided I would start making arrangements for Lachlan. I rang my parents and as usual they are fantastic and happy to drop everything to look after him. I also contact my sister as Lachlan and I were meant to have coffee with her and she is happy to come to the hospital with me. God I love my family.

I called my birthing suits and organise my CTG and they are more then happy for me to come in when ever I like.

When I finally call my OBs office he is off delivering a baby so I talk to his receptionist and she makes a sooner appointment for me and makes sure that I have organised a CTG at my birthing hospital.

When I am at the hospital the CTG trace was perfect and bub was perfectly happy, so I am slightly worried about what my OB is not telling me. He hasn't rung me back and I am thinking that he won't as I have an appointment with him tomorrow at 8.30am so which means I will have a CTG before that so it will be an early start for Lachlan and I tomorrow.

34 weeks, 4 days

It was so great to see our baby girl on Thursday afternoon, although we didn't get any pictures as her head was too deep in my pelvis and her face was facing my spine.

On a bad note she isn't growing as good as my OB would like. She is currently 1.5kg (at 34.3 weeks) and she should be more 2.3kg. At first the ultrasound lady thought it could be a placenta issue, but the blood flow was good, also my fluid levels were good as well so that was not an issue. She ended up calling Dr D and he sent me for a CTG on the Friday morning. I was so glad that my parents could look after Lachlan. The CTG was perfect and she was doing lots of kicks, had good heart rate fluctuations and had a active period and a rest period.

Dr D was happy with these CTG results as it means that she is not in any distress. At this stage they are hoping that they did the ultrasound before a growth spurt, so at 36 weeks I will have another ultrasound, as this will give her time to grow a bit and will give us some idea on what size you she will be at birth.

Fingers crossed that things improve.

34 weeks, 2 days

WE HAVE A DATE!!!

Yesterday I had my OB appointment and as you can tell from above I am really excited that I have been given my c-section date. At this stage we aren't telling any family or friends, other then my parents as they are looking after Lachlan when DH and I go to the hospital.

Now that I have the date I now realise that there isn't much time left and I need to get a wriggle on to organise some things. One frustrating part was that we were hoping that our TAX money would be here by now as we have some big ticket items we need to get. Oh well when the money comes in we will get it then :)

I have my ultrasound this afternoon, which I am really excited about as when we had our ultrasound with Lachlan we got some great 3D photos and they really did look like him when we saw him for the first time at the birth.

Anyway nearly time to get the monkey up for breakfast, so better go.

33 weeks, 5 days

Over the last week or so I think I have hit panic stations and my anxiety it starting to surface.

With Lachlan I remember that I had pretty much had his room ready and his clothes were in his draws and everything was basically ready. This time around I have washed most of bubba girls clothes but that is it! All her clothes are sitting in a basket, I have no cot sheets or blankets, I only have a couple of wraps and Lachlan's clothes are still in the draws as I haven't transferred them over to his new draws.

So after a bit of a panic to DH and we are going out this weekend to pick some stuff up for her and start to prepare her room. Which will hopefully ease my mind a bit.

Another thing that has been weighing on my mind is my c-section. We pretty much have a date (squeal excitement) but I just want to know what the plan is, but I don't think I am going to get that anytime soon as my hematologist hasnt approved me for a epidural/spinal. I have written a couple of questions for my OB which I hope he will be able to answer for me when I see him on Wednesday.

On another not I have my scan on Thursday :)

32 weeks, 4 days

So yesterday was a very eventful afternoon, it started off with me seeing my hematologist. My appointment was for 3pm and at the appointment I was meant to get my letter of approval to be able to have an epidural or a spinal (I had to get this with Lachlan as well). I unfortunately I didn't get my letter as my doctor wants to recheck my results closer to when baby is born (so my c-section date). I also found out at this appointment that my B12 is low so I will need to get B12 injections every two weeks before our little princess is born. Now it is perfectly safe to have these injections and my hematologist said that it will be beneficial for bub and I to have them as B12 helps a lot of things.

Also yesterday I was feeling weird. I don't really know how to explain it but yeah I was feeling weird. Plus over the past couple of days I have had diarrhea (sorry TMI) and I wasn't physically sick like you would if you had gastro, and on Wednesday I had so painful Braxton hicks. DH and I both thought it would be a good idea to ring my birthing suites (as my OB was closed for the evening). I told them what had been happening and they told me to come in straight away. When we got there they checked me over and also bub and after 1 and 1/2 hours they sent me home to rest and told me to come back today (Saturday 28/7) if the diarrhea continued.

So it is Saturday and I haven't had anymore diarrhea (yet). It just seems like one thing after another for me, the nurse actually said to me as I was leaving that I just needed to hold out 4 more weeks. Well that is the plan anyway.

32 weeks, 2 days

Had some good news at my appointment yesterday with Dr D, all my bloods and my urine tests came back clear and I am free of any infections!! This is a complete weight off my mind as I was stressing about it all weekend and also Dr D said he was really worried about me as I have had so many issues throughout this pregnancy. 

I won't be seeing Dr D for 2 weeks (as he says he has given me a week off lol) and in that same week I will also be having my ultrasound (so excited!). 

I have also been having this pain under my right rib and because I don't have a gallbladder (so no gallstones) and my blood pressure is perfect (so no pre eclampsia) so I have put it down to either a foot under my rib (as her head is down) or stretching. I had this same pain with Lachlan and there was no issues then either. 

31 weeks, 3 days

Had my OB appointment today and things weren't good. I have a lot of protein in my urine (although my blood pressure was perfect) and Dr D seems to think that I might have some sort of infection. So tomorrow I am off to get some bloods and 2 urine tests and I will need to see him again next week. There was also a couple of other bad results as well but I don't really want to go into it at this time.

I really would like things to get a bit easier but I don't think that will happen in my case. 

I didn't exactly get a date for my c-section but I got some idea, I think he doesn't want to set a date just yet just in case things change. 

I think most of my night will be sent on Dr Google (bad I know) but I need to find some sort of information to see if this is a bad thing or not for my current circumstances. 

30 weeks, 5 days

Ok I have been a bit slack and haven't posted since 29 weeks (I made a deal with myself that I would post at least once a week).

I had an ultrasound last Friday (13/07) to check how bub was growing as due to one of my blood conditions and the bleeding I have had with my placenta Dr D was worried that bub might be falling behind in weight. Thankfully we got some good news from the ultrasound, bub is 1.5kg and growing fine, measuring right on date! Also at the ultrasound we find that bubs head is extremely low, but of course you never get much out of the ultrasound people so I will just have to wait for my appointment this week with Dr D (he has been away on holidays and is back this week). 

DH, Lachlan and I had a big weekend this weekend past. On Saturday we headed to Sydney to see DH's mum and have a BBQ there which was really nice and it was a nice sunny day and Lachlan had a lot of fun with his two cousins. Then on Sunday we headed up to Picton way and saw DH's dad who had booked a day at the 'Day out with Thomas' (Thomas the tank engine at Train Works). Lachlan is more in to Bob the Builder now but is still a big fan of Thomas so he had a great day! And of course DH and my FIL were big kids and enjoyed themselves too, I on the other hand probably should have backed off a little and should of had a day of rest, oh and I forgot we went to my parents for dinner on Sunday night as well. I am glad that Lachlan is in childcare today so that I can have a day of rest on the couch (when I should be cleaning as the house looks like a bomb has hit it!).

Next weekend thankfully won't be as busy as Saturday we have nothing on and on Sunday we are going out for lunch with DH's family. 

29 weeks

I have been the queen of mucus this week with DH having the man flu and little Lachie having the flu. Last Wednesday (27th June) Lachlan had a horrible day crying from sun up to sun down and he was rolling around in pain, at first I thought it was because of teeth (as he does have some new ones coming through) but then the cough started. 

I ended taking both of them to the Doctors on the Thursday and they both got antibiotics (Lachlan's first in his life) which they both started on the Friday. DH has made pretty much a full recovery with just a little cough to bug him now, but Lachlan still has a really chunky cough that is really bugging him and having coughing fits at night which almost make him vomit (my poor little monkey). We have a second repeat on his antibiotics, but I think I would like to take him back to the GP before we start it just in case it has mutated into something else (with all possibility with him going to child care now it could have). 

But with looking after germy people (LOL) you will often end up getting their germs, so low and behold I have now got a case of the runny noses, headache, ear ache and sore neck, not to mention fatigue but that could be a mixture of 3 trimester fatigue and the cold that I have gotten. I know there is really nothing for me to take while I am pregnant so I am keeping up the fluids and taking panadol when needed, if I end up feeling crappier or end up getting a high temp I will either see my GP or call the midwives at my birthing hospital.

In Other news I had my Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) on Monday (2nd July) I was meant to have it on Saturday (30th June) but with my boys being sick and sitting up all night with Lachlan on the Friday it just wasn't possible and I was completely exhausted! So Monday it was. My sister came with me to keep me company as the test goes for 2hours (plus the waiting to be seen before hand so it was about 2 and half hours all up). The drink was just how I remembered with Lachlan, DISGUSTING!!! 

So I sculled down the glucose drink (much to my sisters surprise) and started my wait for my second round of bloods. They forgot me for 15 minutes after my hour was up so my second wait was only 45 minutes. 

I won't get these results until I see Dr D on the 20th July (Dr D is currently away). 

Only 8 more days until we get to see our princess again!!

28 weeks, 2 days

So a little back story as I haven't posted since I was 27 weeks. On Thursday night (27 weeks, 2 days) I had some (prepare yourself for TMI) green cervical mucus...and a lot of it. I rang the hospital I am going to have bub at and told them about it and they said that it is probably 'show' and to ring if I start having back pain or contractions. Now I was kind of ok with that response but then I had a bit of a cry as I was only 27 weeks and I want bub to keep on baking just a little bit longer. 

So waiting until morning I called Dr D and told him about what had happened as I have another big blob of this green cervical mucus. He told me to come straight in and he will run a couple of tests. When I went in he did an ultrasound and checked the fluid levels (which were fine) and checked my cervix (which was closed) he also took some swabs and some blood (which have all come back fine). He also told me the same thing as the nurses at the birthing suits and told me to go to hospital if I have any back pain or contracts. Although this didn't really put me at ease, I was glad that he was doing something. 

On Sunday (27 weeks, 5 days) I had some pretty intense braxton hicks which at first I thought they were contractions as they were lasting for 90 seconds and were 5 minutes apart each time. I told some panadol and continued to time them but after about an hour they disappeared (THANK GOD). 

Wednesday (28 weeks, 1 day) I had another appointment with Dr D and once again he gave me an ultrasound and checked my fluid which was still great. I informed him that I was still seeing the green cervical mucus, but I was not having any back pain or contractions at this stage. He booked me for a progress ultrasound at my local ultrasound place for 30 weeks (due to my blood conditions and placenta issues he wants to make sure the placenta is ok) and told me that if anything changes in that time he will continue to check me using his ultrasound machine. 

I am really glad that I have such an excellent obstetrician as with all the stress of this pregnancy he has managed to fit me in and see me when ever I have a problem. 

27 weeks

Yesterday I became an Aunty for the 4th time. My brother in law and my sister in law had a baby girl and named her Elodie Paige. Now this is the sister in law that I have had some problems with in the past (saying horrible things when Jensen passed) and even though at some times I have such rage against this woman I am extremely happy for them both (see I am being the bigger person). She had a very quick labour a whole 45 minutes and the baby was born!! Lucky bitch lol. I will be visiting them tomorrow as this afternoon I work late.

On Saturday DH and I went to his work BBQ and I was made to feel really uncomfortable when the woman who he cheated with was there. I put on a brave face while we were there and when I got home I was a complete and utter mess. My heart felt broken and all the old wounds were now reopened again. DH and I have work so hard to come this far and I am not wanting to give up on that just yet. We have done a lot of talking and probably continue to do that as we work through this. You must be thinking I am a stupid woman but I can't imagine my life without him.

On my own pregnancy front I still have some slight spotting and my pee has a pink tinge, but still plodding along.

Also today I signed my first permission slip for Lachlan. The local fire fighters are coming around to show the kids the fire trucks, I just wish I could be there to see his face, good thing that the child care takes heaps of photos everyday.

26 weeks

Had another appointment with Dr D today and bub has her head down and I still have blood as well, so you know what that means...that's right more rest!

Dr D checked the fluid around bub and everything seems ok there which is really good and put my mind at ease that I am not losing any fluid.

I have surpassed 100 days till bub is due which is really exciting as we are starting to head to the pointing end of the pregnancy. 

Also Lachlan's new word is water lol. 

It is not much of a post as I just feel really distracted tonight, so I might come and post another day.

25 weeks

Thankfully nothing much has been going on in the way of the last couple of weeks. Doctor D told me at my last appointment that I was to wrap myself up in bubble wrap and not get into any more trouble (our in joke as I call myself his problem patient), and not getting into trouble is what I plan to do...although I have been cramping and at my appointment on Tuesday I had blood in my pee so I guess I didn't really stick to the no trouble plan....that is right I have got myself put back on bed rest...FUN!! 

I have another appointment next Wednesday to see how I am doing. A lot of things have been thrown around at the moment, like cervical stitch (although I am thinking that it might be a bit late for that now, although I do know they will do it as an emergency case), medication (but with my blood conditions I don't know if I will be able to take it)...but these are just two that stuck in my mind. 

This whole pregnancy with its ups and downs really doesn't make me want to do the whole pregnancy thing again. I loved my pregnancy with Lachlan it was beautiful and I couldn't wait to do it again when I got to hold my little man when he was born (although the birth wasn't what I really had in mind). I know Michael and I first discussed when he were talking about children really early on in our relationship that we both wanted 4 kids, but with losing Jensen and our 2 miscarriages we could of had our family of 4 right there (including Lachlan), but with the constant bleeding and the uncertainty of what is going to happen next it is really starting to stress me out (hence why I don't don't think I am putting on any weight during this pregnancy).

I Know the whole more kids discussion will happen later down the track (we will probably start talking about it when this bub is 6 months, like we did with Lachlan) and if I am anything like when I saw Lachlan for the first time we will defiantly go back and have a third, but right now I don't want the stress.

23 weeks

an style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Yesterday I had my appointment with Dr D and we discussed the results of my infection as it wasn't really discussed in hospital as all the results weren't back. He has decided to keep me on the antibiotics until I finish them in 6 days (sigh). I am really struggling to take them 4 times a day, as I need to take them with a meal and at night before bed when I should take the 4th dose I am not really hungry so I have been missing it....I am sure it won't kill me to not take it then as I am still taking the medication just 3 times instead of 4.

Baby is also measuring a week behind at the moment, but he isn't too concerned at this stage as I was unwell the pas week. 

My only concern at the moment and I will have to remember to bring it up at my next appointment is that when bub kicks me in the cervix I feel like there is a bubble that has popped inside. I know it sounds weird and I feel weird saying it, but I think I will have to ask him about it. 

21 weeks, 6 days

Well it has been over a week since I lasted updated and things have been a bit nuts around here.

Lachlan started childcare on the 7th May. He was really excited to get to play with the other kids and I was super impressed with myself that I didn't cry...until I got into the car and started to drive away and the tears began to flow. Put it down to hormones or put it down to the normal mummy response, but deep down I knew I was doing the right thing. Lachlan doesn't see his two cousins (Ruby and Violet), the reasons are stupid why they don't see each other and he doesn't have any little friends to play with and both DH and I thought that it was a good idea for him to socialise with children around his age.

As I work late on Monday I got a call from my father who picked him up (DH couldn't get away to pick him up, he was really upset about that) and a little girl had scratched Lachlan's face as he wasn't giving her his undivided attention. God was I pissed!!! I was do not to send him the next day, I was so upset and cried when when I saw Lachlan that night, was of course fine, but the mumma in me was livid. When I went into the childcare the next day they explained to me what happened and did put my mind at ease about the whole thing.

Last Thursday Lachlan also must have got his first childcare bug. He had high temps for two days of 39 and over and they were thankful brought down by piggy backing nurofen and panadol.

I have been feeling lots of movement from little miss and even started to see my belly move when she kicks. We might also be close on a name which exciting.

I am still getting some pain as well, and although I was only supervising my sisters move (the boys were doing all of the lifting) I still pulled up really sore, must have been most of the standing.

Well I better get back to work.

20 weeks, 1 day

I am having such a flat day today, I just feel like I have no energy and no motivation. I thought the half way mark you were meant to get your energy back! It probably doesn't help that when DH gets up in the morning I suddenly realise I need to pee so I get up, and of course I can never get back to sleep.

Yesterday I also had my appointment with Dr D and it looks like my placenta is covering my cervix, Dr Davis isn't too concerned just yet as it could move, but with me having a c-section anyway I am not going to worry until there is something to worry about.

I also had blood in my pee again. It is a little stressful that I am still bleeding and probably doesn't help that my placenta is covering my cervix. Dr D is still going to keep a close eye on me.

I also got to see my little princess again, she was having a good wiggle. Dr D was excited for us that we are having a girl, he has 2 girls himself.

Lachlan, my other little baby (lol not so little anymore) will be starting child care next Monday. I know that he is ready and it would be good for him to socialise with other children his age, he has cousins but he doesn't really see them due to family problems. I bet he will be fine, he has gone and played there for a couple of hours a couple of times a week since getting the call he was accepted, I am probably the one that will cry like a baby lol.

19 weeks, 1 day - Sex reviled

Today was our 19 weeks and we got to find out the sex of our beautiful baby, and the sex is....A GIRL!!!

Both DH and I are so excited!!! I am not sure if Lachlan understands what is going on, but I know he would be excited too!

What came out of this ultrasound is that I have a low lying placenta and the baby is reading behind my due date by a week but the ultrasound persons was happy with the weight. So I can look forward to more placenta bleeding.

DH and I are planing on going crazy at the shops on the weekend lol

17 weeks, 5 days

I honestly need to sit down with myself and ask myself, why do you do this?

Since when I saw Dr D at 12 weeks he told me that I wasn't allowed to have sex, well pardon the pun but I screwed that rule last night and now I am paying for it.

I am now almost 18 weeks and it has been almost 6 weeks since DH and I had been interment with one another, and if you know my past you would know I am a bit of an addict when it comes to sex, so this has been a really long time between drinks for us.

So to cut a long story short we tried last night and now I am really sore. I am not bleeding thank god, just in a fair amount of pain. I am so glutton for punishment, I should have really thought about things before we decided to do it.

DH has been really great about it and since Dr D gave us the orders to stop having sex he hasn't mentioned or pressured me to do it. I must say I am pretty lucky.

17 weeks 1 day

Still in pain, but had my appointment with Dr D yesterday and he says things are still looking good and my cervix is still closed.

I have been given the opportunity to review SRC Pregnancy shorts so I am hoping they might be able to help me. Apparently these shorts can help relieve back and pelvic pain. Fingers crossed hey.

Every OB appointment I have I get to see bub and it is looking so beautiful, I so can't wait for the morph scan on the 26th April, and I can't wait to find out the sex I am soooooo excited! We are still debating if we will tell everyone else though, it might be nice to keep it our own little secret.

16 weeks, 1 day

On Monday (2nd April) afternoon I started having pain around my pelvic area so I decided that I would have Tuesday off to rest and relax, but the pain started to increase in pain and by Wednesday it was getting to hard to sit or lay down and the pain started to come with downward pressure and I was starting to get worried. So I waited until 8.30am when Dr D's office opened and rang them, luckily when I rang Dr D had just walked through the door and told me to come in straight away.

I am very lucky that my parents live so close and are willing to drop everything to help. My mum and brother looked after Lachlan and my dad drove me in to the appointment. I contacted DH and let him know what was happening and told him not to worry and I would contact him to let him know what was going on.

When I got to the appointment I had an ultrasound done by Dr D straight away as he was worried as he thought that I might be going into labour!! Lucky everything was alright and my cervix was fine and bub was having a snooze. Unfortunately Dr D couldn't tell me the sex as bub was not showing his bits.

Dr D put me on bed rest (once again) and told to take it easy. I see him Next Wednesday for another check up.

15 weeks, 1 day

Appointment with Dr D went really well and I got to see bubba again and it is doing beautifully. Dr D agreed with me that the clot I passed was one from my cervix and I shouldn't worry about it unless I start to bleed again. 

I still have morning sickness and doing my daily morning vomit lol. I do sometimes vomit more during the day as well, I am just so over it. I am nausea all the time and I thought that the morning sickness would be gone by now, but I guess I am one of those lucky ones that will have it mostly though their pregnancy. 

I also think that I have been feeling bubba kick as well...but I am not quite sure, if it is bubba and it is a beautiful feeling. 

13 weeks 6 days

The placenta bleeding that I had a little over 2 weeks ago are still in the back of mind, although it has stopped yesterday at work I passes a clot, which I am guessing was part of the clots that I had at my cervix. I have an appointment with Dr Davis tomorrow (Wednesday 21st March) do I will let him know what happened.

I will also be asking him if I can have something for my morning sickness as I have been vomiting my guts up for 3 days straight! Saturday was the worse as it seemed that I was racing to the toilet every hour to throw up.

In the land of Lachlan he has been wonderful but it seems that wonder week has hit us once again and he has started waking up during the night with Saturday night being the worst.

Lachlan has really gotten used to this whole walking thing (been doing it now for 3 months) and is so confident when we go out to the shops or over other peoples houses, also when we are at the park or to a play center he will chase the bigger kids around.

12 weeks, 1 day

I am sorry that it has been a while and there has been some stuff going on.

On Sunday 4th March I woke up like any other morning and we went about our normal Sunday ritual. DH went in to get Lachlan and changed his nappy and I went off for my 400th pee of the morning as this bub in my belly really loves to make me pee. At this moment when I went to the toilet it was one of the scariest moments that can happen to a pregnant women. Blood...and lots of it. It covered the whole toilet paper and it scared the crap out of me, the thought of having another miscarriage filled my thoughts and the tears started rolling down my cheeks and my hands started to shake. I finished up in the bathroom and came out to see my DH feeding our son breakfast. He looked up at me and all I could say was I was bleeding.

DH didn't have to be asked he got us all ready and into the car and took me to emergency. I saw the nurse first up and balled my eyes out too her saying how this can't be another miscarriage that this baby needs to be safe. The nurse calmed me and took my vitals and told me that she would organise an ultrasound for me and that a doctor will call me in soon.

I went out and sat with DH and Lachlan (who was being an awesome little boy in the waiting room) and once again cried my eyes out again. Luckily I didn't have to wait too long for the ultrasound as the wardsman brought the wheelchair and rolled me around (with DH and Lachlan in tow) to the room. I was told to lie on the bed and she put the gel on and started the scan. I was lying there with my eyes closed and the words repeating over and over again was please be ok, please be safe. It felt like it was taking forever until she turned the screen around and said, theirs your baby and their is it's heartbeat.

Once again the tears rushed down my face again and I was so happy that my baby was safe with a perfect heartbeat of 170bpm and perfect.

But this meant that we were no closer to finding out why I was bleeding so much. So back to the waiting we went and I sat there for a while, but then a young female doctor came out and got me (by this time DH had taken Lachlan home for a sleep as there was too much going on in emergency and he just wasn't having his morning sleep which he really needed).

The Doctor took me around to an examination room and sat me down and told me about the results of the ultrasound which found that I have a bleed behind my placenta (subchorionic hematoma), the doctor didn't really know much about it but said that she would contact the on call OBGYN after she does a couple of other test.

The tests she did was a blood test and a pelvic examine. The examine found that I had clots at my cervix. To put it plainly the doctors in emergency were useless and didn't give me any information and sent me home saying that things would be ok.

I wasn't happy with this and contacted my OB and got any appointment for the next morning.

I saw Dr Davis and he explained that this does happen to some woman and for me due to my blood conditions (which I did tell the emergency doctors about) I need to rest (this week I am on bed rest until my ultrasound this Friday) and I will need to see him every couple of weeks. He said that the bleeding will continue until it is settled and usually it is absorbed by the body. I am to take it easy when I return to work and I am not allowed to lift anything and that I may have some cramping.

The thing that is really bothering me is that I am not allowed to lift my son, and I have tried and got some painful cramps. I have had some cries about it.

I have been really lucky that DH has been on holidays so he has been really helping me out but next week I will be on my own during the day when DH goes back to work. I have organised for my parents to help me out and take me to work as there is a big hill that I have to walk up and am unable to do in my current condition.

A very scary moment for me and I am so looking forward to this ultrasound as I am bleeding and cramping it is hard to be positive.

Pregnancy hormones or just old wounds?

I am feeling totally flat and emotional night now. I keep think of the year I had last year and how much I hated everything about it, it feels like I am opening up old wounds and I am lying on the floor and I am bleeding out not wanting to help myself stop the bleeding.

I feel like crawling up into a little ball and praying that tomorrow would come and it would be a better and brighter day, but this hatred I feeling for this person that destroyed my first year with my son won't go away right now, and I feel that it is here to stay for awhile.

I really can think back to some of Lachlan's milestones without me think that, that man all most destroyed our family or that our family wasn't a family at one stage. And I don't know if he still feels badly about it as we have not talked about it again. But for some reason I feel like I don't have the courage to open my mouth and ask. I also don't know if this is just my hormones bringing this up or if this is just me reopening these wounds.

10 weeks, 2 days

Today is the day that my friend farewells her beautiful daughter Emilia. Emilia grew her wings on Valentines Day. I keep Emilia and her family in my heart today and prey that it is a beautiful day to give this Angel a beautiful send off.

__________________________________________________________

Just to add about the pregnancy.

I hate vomiting!

I hate the fact that my body wants to vomit when I have nothing in my stomach...sitting here writing it makes me want to vomit.

9 weeks, 2 days

We are getting closer to that 12 week mark and making this all official when we make it public!

I saw Dr Davis my OB on Tuesday (14th Feb) and I was given my NT referral for my 12 week scan which will be on the 9th of March (I will be 12 weeks and 3 days). He Also gave me my hospital booking form, when he did this he confirmed what DH and I have been discussing since I found out I was pregnant, I will be having an elective c-section.

DH and I thought that this would be the case due to how things went with my labour with Lachlan. And I didn't want to go through having a VBAC only to get ready to push again and told to have an emergency c-section again.

It does take the fun out of things as I will no the exact date that this bundle will be due (unless I go into labour before the date). Although DH and I have decided that we are not going to tell anyone the date, bar my parents as they will be looking after Lachlan on the day. It will keep some surprise for the rest of our families and friends.

On a morning sickness note I still have some but it seems to be getting a bit less which is nice.

Also in the world of Lachlan we officially have a walker! He started walking in his 14th month, it is nice that I don't have to carry him everywhere but it is tiring chasing him around lol

Heaven has gained another Angel

Emilia Jayne passed away yesterday in her Daddy's arms after fighting for 4 days. She passed away peacefully and without pain. Obviously the Tribe is absolutely devastated for Bek, her husband and her 2 little boys, and we are willing to offer any help that we can give them.


RIP EMILIA JAYNE
10th February 2010 - 14th February 2010

Say a prayer for Princess Emilia

The post is not going to be about me. I am not going to talk about my son, my DH, myself or my belly bub. This post is about a beautiful baby named Emilia who was born at 32 weeks and had a congenital heart defect and is currently fighting fo her life.

I met Emilia's mum through an online baby and pregnancy website as we were both in the same due in group. Bek is a beautiful young lady who speaks her mind and gets straight to the point in all our discussions. She is also a wealth of knowledge during pregnancy and with bringing up boys, as when I met her she already had one beautiful boy and was pregnant with her second while I was pregnant with Lachlan.

As the months went on we all started to have our babies starting in October and we moved on to our Facebook group which we all lovelying call 'The Trible', and in this tribe we have grown so much closer and have become more of a family the just friends that met over the Internet.

The Tribe has already been through so much together. We have been through relationship break ups, loss of loved ones, postnatal depression, depression, abuse, rape, sick children and other everyday concerns.

Beautiful Baby Emilia was meant to be born in April, but was born on 10th February at 12.36am by emergency c-section and now is fighting the biggest fight of her life. The Tribe is right behind her keeping her in our thoughts and prayers that she continues fighting. She has made it through one night, and every night she holds one is such a blessing to her family.

Could you please keep Princess Emilia in your thoughts and prayers.

8 weeks, 1 day - Scan day

I had my first scan today at 4.30pm I was nervous and excited all at the same time. DH and I got seen straight away and while I was laying on the bed and the lady was doing the ultrasound I could feel DH squeezing my tighter and tighter (he later told me that he was doing this because the ultrasound lady wasn't saying much and he had thought that we had lost the baby...thankfully he was wrong).

As the ultrasound lady was doing the measurements she got excited and showed us that bub was wriggling, and it was so amazing to see!! She measured the heart beat and it was a beautiful 160 bpm.

DH and I are so excited knowing that our precious little belly bub is perfect and growing strong. Our next scan is booked for the 9th March which is out NT scan.

7 weeks, 3 days

It has been a week and there isn't really all that much to report. I can tell you that the nausea is still constant and I have needed to take maxilon a couple of times either at night or in the middle of the night to help me sleep (the nausea with Lachlan was a walk in the park compared to this pregnancy). I am also continuing to be a couch/bed dweller because of the fatigue as I can't find any energy to do anything, which is really bad with a 1 year old.

Everything else seems to be going fine :) my boobs seem fuller, but that is about it. The first trimester is really the worry trimester as you are just wanting to make that 12 week mark. All the fun stuff doesn't really happen until the second trimester when you start to feel yourself and you get to feel the movements.

5 more days until we get to see belly bub!!

6 weeks, 3 days

Vomit, vomit, vomit!

That is how I am feeling at the moment, and that is all I want to do at the moment. The only thing that is stopping me from vomiting all over the place is candy canes (I found a box from Christmas that was in date) and red frogs. (I love red frogs).

This pregnancy has been so different already from my pregnancy with Lachlan. With him all I wanted was salt n vinegar chips at this stage, I remember eating them by the bag full as I couldn't get enough of them!! But with this belly bub all I want is sweet things...I AM GOING TO BE HUGE AT THE END OF THIS PRENGNANCY!!!

Every fibre in my body at the moment is tell me that this bub is a girl.

1 week and 4 days until we get to see belly bub

6 Weeks

I am exhausted I have been up since I needed to pee at 2.30 this morning.

It all started when when we went to bed. Recently DH and I have been going to bed at about 7pm and we watch some of the tennis I usually fall asleep, well I couldn't as I had as I have so much nausea (some how I turned the TV off about 9.30pm and went to sleep). Then when I woke up at 2.30am busting to pee I came back to bed had a sip of water and all I felt like doing was vomiting I was so gross and it continued like that until I took a maxilon tablet at 5.30am, but I still couldn't go back to sleep. So I am still exhausted.

I have had my HCG rechecked and my levels are still rising nicely and it is a nice weight off my mind.

2 weeks until we meet belly bub.

5 weeks, 3 days

What a day!

This morning I started having the brown spotting again! Which just started the stress of the day. All I wanted to do was break down and cry, but I didn't want to cry in front of Lachlan.

I also had a dizzy spell this morning while changing him (I couldn't have picked a worse time to have one, so I quickly changed him and put him down safely so that I could just sit for a moment and have a cold glass of water. It probably didn't help that it was really warm in the house this morning, so I opened a couple of windows and let some fresh air in.

With the spotting and the dizzy spell I rang DH and he came home from work early. He basically came in the door and told me to lay on the lounge and not move. Once Lachlan had his morning sleep I had a big cry to DH as I really needed to just left it all out.

I just keep feeling that this bub is not going to stay sticky. I know brown spotting isn't really that concerning but seeing it on the toilet paper when you don't expect to see anything is really worrying. I know that I had a little spotting when I was pregnant with Lachlan but it didn't go on and off for days, with Lachlan it only lasted 2 days at most.

I really just hope that it doesn't continue.

Also today I had an appointment with my Haematologist. He was really excited to hear that DH and I were pregnant again and that he thought that the gap we will have between Lachlan and this belly bub will be great!

My bloods so far and all good, bar my B12 which is a little low, but he said that I could take Mega B complex and it would boost it once again.

I will need to have repeat bloods once again in a few weeks.

2 weeks 4 days until we get to see Belly Bub!

5 weeks, 1 day

Time is really going slow, I found out about 2 weeks ago that I was pregnant and since then it seems like time is standing still. All I want to do is see my little belly bub/s, but that is like 3 weeks away...that is too far away!! I am really considering calling the ultrasound place and changing my appointment to a week earlier, I am sure this would be fine if I do this as I will be about 7 weeks and with Lachlan, I saw a flicker of a heartbeat at 6 weeks.

This is really looking like the TTW. You DTD at O and then you have to wait those through those horrible 2 weeks dying to test, I have now replaced this with waiting for the ultrasound lol.

As for symptoms I am still incredibly fatigued. It doesn't help that 2 days our of the 3 I work I finish at 7pm, so last night I got home at 7.30pm had a little dinner, but I was in bed at 8.30pm fast asleep, and already today I can tell that I am going to be in bed early.

I also had my first vomit yesterday. I had to go to the bathroom at work 3 times before that I had the spew, but I felt so much better once I did. But the constant nausea soon came back.

I have also been craving sweet things as well. I was dying for a crunchie bar yesterday but I didn't have one, but thankfully I found some of DH white chocolate (and I hate white chocolate) and that took the edge off.

3 weeks to go until we get to see Belly Bub/s!!

4 weeks, 3 days

I think I have scared myself a little. I have had some brown CM when I wipe after going to the toilet, I am not  too concerned as I had some brow spotting when I was pregnant with Lachlan and now I have a happy health 14 month old. 

I have also been really fatigued which is not helping with many things that are going on in my life. 

DH and I told our parents today. We went over to my mum and dads and they were really happy for us. Unfortunately DH parents are over an hour away from us so he rang them and they were also really excited and happy for us. This will be my parents 3rd grandchild and DH parents 5th grandchild. 

I have also told my older sister and she has already said that she will make arrangements for leave in September. My older sister lives in Melbourne and was really upset that she couldn't make it up for Lachlan's birth, so she really wants to come up this time. 

3 weeks 5 days for the first ultrasound!

4 weeks & 2 days

Saw my GP yesterday and got my new referral for Dr D. My GP seems to think that Dr D is some kind of fertility God as every time I have seen him due to becoming pregnant, a month later I have done a HPT and BAM I am UTD...lol. 

I also went for my first rounds of bloods today. It was really nice to have the same nurse that did my 21 day progesterone test. She remembered me from taking my bloods that day and was really happy that I had become pregnant. I had DH and DS with me and she kept saying that we needed to have more children as our son was gorgeous. 

The nurse was really kind and marked my bloods urgent so at 2pm the nurse rang me and told me that I was very much still very pregnant. Unfortunately I was too caught up in the excitement of someone telling me that I was pregnant that I forgot to ask what the levels were. But I can find them out when I see Dr D on the 14th February. (valentines day!). 

3 weeks and 6 days until we get to see our belly bub! 

3 Weeks and 6 Days....I think

Well today I had my first OB appointment today and have been given a referral for a blood test to confirm the pregnancy (but after all those HPTs that I have been peeing on and the positives that I have been getting you better hope that I am pregnant).

I also received a referral for my first ultrasound!! I will be having my ultrasound on the 8th February and then I think I will be 7 weeks. And will be seeing the OB again on 14th February. All the results of the blood test that I will be having I will get the results over the phone.

At the moment the fatigued has been setting and I have been really hungry...like super hungry! I have been feeling the twinges like I did with Lachlan, and I haven't started getting nausea yet so fingers crossed once it kicks in it isn't too bad.

BFP!!!

I am so excited I tested this morning and it came up with a faint line!!! I will be testing again tomorrow just to make sure but OMG!!

DH is so excited and already making plans and we are both excited that Lachlan will be a big brother...wow I can't believe that Clomid worked!