Time to get under 80

I know, i know, it's been a while. It seems like lately that life gets in the way a bit too much, and when i do look at my blog i think too myself what can i really write down.

Well i finally have something to write about.

Over the Christmas period i was really worried that i would over indulge and i would pile on the weight and undo all the hard work that i have already done. Thankfully, i only put on about 500g, which will be easier to lose then a few kilos. I have decided that before the end of the year i want to be under 80kg, which gives me 4 days to lose 1.5kg, which i think is totally doable, but with the way my has been slowly (more like snail pace) falling off, im a little worried that i might be really disappointed at myself if it doesnt happen.

I really feel if i lose this 1.5kg myself esteem will reach a high, and i will really start feeling great about myself. A friend of mine is taking duromine and going to the gym. She has asked me to join her at the gym, but the thing is she goes at 10.30 at night, i just cant do that. She doesnt work so she doesnt care about the time, but i just cant do thwt as i work and i get up at 5am to get ready for work and to be out the door by 7.30am. I will just have to figure out my own thing, wnd focus on my eating and make sure that i dont snack on the wrong thing.

The exercise i will be looking at doing to help my weightloss,  will be my usual 5-7km walks, which i will be doing in the morning while i am on annuwl leave, and i will also be doing Les Mils body combat, which i really love, i have also managed to get M involved, and he will be from the 1st January (he wouldnt start any earlier) we will be doing the 30 day squat challenge, and once that is finished we will be doing other challengers, even if i have to make them up.

I will also be getting myself some new joggers. The ones that i have are a little worn and look like they are on their last legs, so i will head to the local shoe shop and get them properly fitted. I really want to start doing some interval training so that i can start running. I am not rewlly a runner, and have never been a runner, but i want to take my walking obviously to the next level.

Long overdue up date

So it has been awhile once again, I think life just gets in the way and you can't make time f, or things that you once enjoyed. This blog used to be my life when I was trying for the kids, when I was pregnant (the good and the bad) and once I had Lachlan and Charlotte, but now I sometimes just can't find the time to fit it in with everything. 

Anyway....I have recently found out that my diploma finish date has been brought forward to July 2015, so this means that I need to start studying my but off and find a place for my work placement (which I will probably look for at the start of 2015) so that I can finish in time. I am pretty sure I will finish before the end date, but it seems like that it is creeping closer and closer as we are coming to the end of the year. 

Our Lachlan will be turning 4 this week...eek!!! I can't believe that 4 years has gone by so fast! The unfortunate thing is that on Tuesday (his birthday) we will be heading up to the Sydney Children's Hospital. At Lachlan's 4 year old needles, Lachlan had a check up. Our GP thought that Lachlan had an undecended testicle, so sent us off for an ultrasound to check if everything was ok. After we went for the ultrasound, we went back to the GP and we found out that Lachlan has bilateral hernias just about where you undies sit on the pubic bone, he also has what is called a hydrocel (spelling) which is large. We will find out on Tuesday if Lachlan will need surgery or not, if he does it will be at the children's hospital. I will keep you updated with what happens.

Also I have lost 4kg!! This is really big for me as I find it really hard to lose weight. I have been really strict with portion control and eating really healthy, I have been also trying to do 7km walk each day, if I can't fit in a walk I try to do some strength exercises. I have also got a body combat DVD which I will be adding into the mix this week. I am really excited about the future journey of weight loss. 

Also last night M and I had a oops, fertility friend puts me in the ovulation period, but who knows if my body is doing what its told. Every other time we have had a oops nothing has ever eventuated, so I won't be keeping my hopes up.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss, 1 in 4, that 1 is me.

I know it's been awhile, but I have had some family stuff to deal with. 

Anyway, yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day (15th October), and throughout all of October we remember all our Angel Babies that we have lost and forever hold in our hearts. 

Last night as various social media was flooded with photos of lit candles for the ones we had lost and grown their wings, I notice a woman I went to high school with uploaded a photo which said, "for our little peanut."

I messaged her to let her know I was thinking of her, and that I was sorry for her loss. I also let her know that she is not alone, mentioning that I too have miscarried (multiple times) and I have had a stillborn. As I read her reply it was like I heard her sigh with relief. She told me how it felt like she was holding this miscarriage as a huge secret for 3.5 years and it was nice to have someone to talk to about it, especially someone who understands what she is going through. 

This got me thinking, do so many of us keep it to ourselves, because others just don't understand? Or do we keep it to ourselves because we think we are alone in this? 

I know Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is about getting the message out and re-educating everyone. It is still hard to know that 1 in 4 go through this loss. And I am the 1, as well as a lot of women I know. This is so common now, I just wish others who haven't be through this would have a better understanding about this type of loss. 

Happy Birthday Charlie

Honestly, where has the time gone? I swear it was only just yesterday that I was writing a blog about Charlie being 1 year old. 

So Miss Charlotte is 2 today! She woke up to a happy birthday sung by her older brother, her Aunty, myself and her daddy who was on the phone as he was already at work. 

We the progressed down stairs where she was met by a pretty pink bike and a play kitchen (which M and I built late last night). I then made choc chip pancakes :) 

So that we weren't stuck inside we went to a shopping centre, had baby chinos and lunch at a Mexican restaurant. 

Her party is on Sunday so there is more fun to come! 

Where do I schedule room to breath?

So what do you really class as lazy? 

I have been working 3 days a week, with me getting up at 5am to get myself ready then the kids, to make sure that we are out of the house at 7.30am. 

When I come home I see my husband and kids, make dinner, which we eat when ready. Help with baths and bed with the kids. Then start studying. 

On the days I don't work I look after my kids, do the grocery shopping, clean, study and help my ill mother. 

But some how I can't work out where to fit in exercise. I really don't want to get up any earlier then 5am as I study until late. 

I feel like I need someone to come in and organise my life for me, so that I can fit in time to a relax period. 

I really do envy stay at home mums, I could have those 3 days without work, then I could spread the things I do on my days off over those days, so that I would have time to exercise.  

I have recently had a friend/fellow blogger (can't attach link as I am on my phone) who has lost a bit over 11kg in 12 weeks.  She is a stay at home mum of 3 boys under 3, and I just wish I could lose that kind of weight. 

1 step forward, 2 steps back

So even though it's been slow in the exercise department, but any progress is progress, which is good. The only probably is that yesterday I go a concussion, so I am out of action for a few days. 

It was really stupid. Yesterday I was looking in a cupbaord that was about nose height, and someone slammed it on my head. But because I have a blood condition I needed to have bloods and a ct scan done, plus neurological observations done. 

All in all I spent about 6 hours in emergency being fussed over, and ended up just having a concussion. The doctor told me to go home and rest, easier said and done when you have a 1 and 3 year year old. 

At the moment I still feel really groggy, have so swelling on the side of my head which should come down in the next few days and have a killer headache. I have been told the sings to watch for, just in case I have a stroke, but all in all I will be fine. 

It just puts things on the back burner in terms of my exercise. 

That crazy thing called exercise

So I tried this thing called exercising on Monday and wow, if you haven't done it in a while it's hard. 

So I decided I would try this 

Thinking that it would be a good workout and it would be relatively easy...but boy was I wrong. 

After one set I was huffing and puffy Amy shins killed, it felt like when I had shin splits.  

Anyway, I solidered on an and got through the two sets, feeling like I was dying. I laid on the floor not wanting to move, but I eventually sat up and did some stretching and then did some floor exercises so that I didn't feel like I did nothing. 

So today I am feeling incredibly sore and decided that I would take a day to rest and jump back on the horse tomorrow. 

Going in with a plan

So Aunt flow hung around a bit with constant spotting, but thankfully gone. So now I am thinking of exercises I can do. 

Every time I have gone into losing weight I have never gone in with a plan, well this time I am planning. 

As I haven't really done some real exercise for a while , other then walking to work, I really want to ease myself into it so I don't do an injury and then I am out for days or weeks. So I thought I will start on the treadmill, as some ab exercises and Yoga. 

I don't want to waste money on a gym if I can never get to one, due to looking after the kids, studying or working. So I guess that is another thing my schedule :-/

I want to be motivated. I want to do this for me. I want to lose weight. 

Motivating myself

So as I wait for Aunt Flow to leave I am building up motivation to get into my exercise. This morning I was only spotting so I might start some light exercise befor I get into on Sunday. 

I know some of you might be wondering why Aunt Flow is stopping me from exercise, well it's because of my blood conditions and I get extremely fatigued and dizzy and have to take it easy. 

With building up my motivation I am Googling fitness motivation imagines, looking at different images of transformations, reading lots of motivational quotes and getting lots of handy hits. I have also improving my water intake as I probably get only about 500mls-1 liter a day so that needs a big improvement. 

I have also asked M to help support and motivate me. For me the first 6 months will be the hardest, I think I will give up if I don't see results , and I know I will have to stop that thinking, and I know that thinking will go ones I feel better about myself. 

Time to think about reinventing

I feel like I am in limbo a bit with this blog. I have about 8 months until M and I try for bub number 3 (insert squeal here lol), and really that is what this blog was all about to begin with. But I constantly find myself looking at this blog and wanting to add a post in it, but I also hear myself saying "they don't want to hear about that".

So, I guess I think I am going to try and reinvent my blog a little. I am going to focus on my children still, and when the time comes trying to conceive bub 3, but my new focus with be on weight loss (which I so need) healthy family friendly meals that the whole family love and my study. I am still studying my Diploma and it is touching on some really great topics that I would love to share with everyone. 

So I guess that will get this blog going again :) 

Not pregnant and Charlotte's appointment

Well like I thought PCOS wins once again and the verdict came out with a not pregnant. To tell you the truth I am not terribly upset about it, I thought I would be, but after Charlotte's appointment we have a few other things to worry about.

So Chadlotte's appointment a couple of things came out of it. Here weight has come up again which is really great and her height hasn't changed. We're going to continue on her reflux medication, although I am going to have to ring up and check the dose, as it says twice daily, but we didn't discuss it. And the other bit if news is that we're going to ring up at get an appointment at the Sydney Children's hospital and see a specialist gastroinologist who will perform a procedure on her to check out stomach. 

I know her doctor wants to cover all basis and make sure nothing else is wrong and I get that. It's just my brain hasn't really caught up with everything yet. 

A bit of an update

Ok so i felt like blogging because I haven't done it in a little while. 

Charlotte is becoming such a little talker. At 19 months she is doing 2 word sentences and starting to say 3 and today she came up to M and said "sorry Daddy", because she had heard Lachlan say it only moments ago. It was so adorable to hear. 

Lachlan has been a little challenging as he has been talking back to both I and M. He is like 3 going on 13! Thankfully he isn't like this all the time, and his Childcare is reporting back that he is being really helpful with packing away equipment at the end of the day and he is doing really with role playing activities. It is kind of hard to believe that he will be 4 this yet, and in a little bit over a year and a half he will will be going to primary school. 

On the whole weight front I couldn't complete the 12 week body transformation due to my bronchitis. So I took down some pointers and will start my own 12 week challenge come Monday. Right now I'm 80kg and I have been like that for a few weeks now, which for me is great as this is the lowest I have been of a few years. I am really hoping that I can motivate myself to stick with this. 

Also today marks 2 weeks since our oops and day 28 in my cycle. My cervix is saying high, firm and closed, but my mind is really having doubts that I am pregnant. As much as I would love to have another baby and be pregnant again, I just think it isn't going to happen off a oops for us. I guess I just wait a few more days and see what happens. If it isn't here in another week I might test, I just don't really see the point if this is just my PCOS messing with me. 

New ink and a little oops

So I added another tattoo to my body on Saturday (12/4/14). I got this rose to symbolise the bubs I loss because of miscarriage. I am totally in love with it, and I know it might be wrong to say, but it was such a turn on to see my tattoo artist draw this rose on my ankle by hand (side note, he's pretty hot too ;) ). 

I guess another thing to add is that on Friday we had an oops, it was also on CD 15, that doesn't mean much though as I live in PCOS land. 

I am really not expecting anything to come of it, and if something does you can say I told you so lol. I guess I am marking it for future reference. 

Motivation paying off

Well motivation paid off this week, in the form of my studies. I handed in my last assignment for this particular unit on Sunday. I stayed up till 11.30pm putting the finishing touches to it, and still wasn't happy with it when I handed it in. 

All Monday I was checking the OTEN website to see if I had gotten a mark, but I think it was really wishful thinking, thinking that it would get marked that quick. 

So Tuesday when I got to work I had another look, and there it was, marked and waiting for me to read. 

92%!!! 

I was so excited and surprised. I felt I didn't put as nearly as much effort into it as I wanted to and was so not happy with it. 

I just hope I pull off the same results in for my weight loss

Hello motivation

So I still have a residual cough from my bronchitis, but starting 5.30am tomorrow that isn't going to stop me! That's right I am getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow and exercising. 

Over the past 6 days I have been getting motivation for everything!

It first started last Tuesday (25/3). I came home from work and was really in the mood to study and I have been studying everyday since. 

I have also been cleaning up a storm around the house, wanting everything to have a place in house and also wanting to make our place more homely...which is very unlike me. 

Then come today. I want to exercise, really, really exercise. I have set my alarm for 5am for my work days and 6am for the days I don't work, and I am going to get out of bed and kill it in my little gym area. 

I am so hoping this motivation continues as it has come at a great time. I want to finish my diploma and I would love to look in the mirror and be happy at the person looking back at me. 

Always it seems like too long since I last blogged. Sometimes it is because I don't want to bore you with my day to day crap, and other times I am just not really sure what I should talk about. 

I can tell you one thing, the 12 week body transformation I was doing was a complete failure. I ended up getting a chest infection which turned into bronchitis! I was really into it as well, I was getting up each and every morning to exercise and I was so motivated, but then I started to get this cough and I just couldn't exercise with out getting into a coughing fit or getting really short of breath. 

I have already decided that I am going to take not of the exercise program and start again. I really need to do this. 

On other matters the kids are just perfect. Lachlan has really turned into a awesome little man, although his fussiness in terms of meal times is really starting to frustrate M and I. We have tried everything and it is now starting to come to, if Lachlan doesn't have his dinner, then he goes to be without. 

Charlotte on the other hand is happy to eat anything we put in front of her and will try anything, she even eats eel! She has also taking this whole walking thing in her stride (pardon the pun). She loves her new found freedom of being able to walk anywhere she wants, but she is a total rough nut lol. 

On the subject of another bub, it is up in the air at the moment. There is some health issues I need to sort out and it seems to be pushing it back further and further. Both M and I don't want to have a large gap, so what ever happens in the next few months might make the decision for us. 

Been awhile

Well its been a very long time since I last posted, well over a month. I still have a lot of friend drama going on, which I have tried to distance myself from, but for some reaso  I can get away fast enough, before being draggrd back in.  I am hoping when they get divorced I will be free!

In other news I got my first tattoo. I decided last week that I was going to bite the bullet and get it done, and I did. I am so love with it, and already thinking of the next one. My friend said it would be very addictive and I can totally see why!

Also Charlotte FINALLY started walking! We are so totally proud of her. It took her a bit longer then what it did for Lachlan, but that really didnt bother us as we knew that she would do when she was ready. We know that it wont take her long to run, with having her big brother around.

I have also started the Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation,  but when I started this program I also go a chest infection (great way to start the program), so I havent got the start that I have hoped. I lost about 5kg, but I have put some of it back on. I am really hoping to restart this week and back to losing the weight that I so desperately need to lose.

I promise time I wont leave it too long between posts.

All about me.

So I usually don't like to new years resolutions, but this year I decided its going to be about me lol

Ok I know that must sound very self centred, but when you have put yourself last for everyone in your family and shared your body with another soul, it takes its toll.

So I am starting to do some things for myself, like yesterday I took a whole hour to myself and got my nails done, it was pure bliss. I didnt have to worry about the kids and didnt have Charlotte hanging off my hip. I kind of cant wait until the next time I can get them done  :)

I have also signed up to take part of Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation, I am so excited about it. I am now doing the pre sessions to get in the right mind frame, I am also trying to only use 1200 caleries per day. I actually thought that it was going to be hard to do, but it isnt, it is actually not hard to do.

So as this year is a no baby year as we are going to try for a baby next year, I am going to try very hard to lose some of the weight that I am carrying an hopefully become a happier, healthier me.

I will continue to blog on here about all the different things I am under taking in my weight loss journey as this is a great outlet to express myself. 

Friend drama

I am caught in the middle.

2 of my friends who married each other about 3 years ago and have an almost 2 year old daughter together seperated mid last year. She cheated on him, the she blamed him because he was always yelling at her, so she ended up leaving him, and there daughter. He was obvously devastated and said some things that he shouldnt have.

About 7 months he tried to make things work because he wanted his family back together,  but she didnt want to get back toghther. Now she is desperate to get back together, but he is done.

This is where I come in.

I am friends with her through an X, she dated him after I did and she hated me at first, but she soon found out why I dumped him. I am friends with him through her, and became closer with him, when she left him.

From what I found out today, I am the only one that knows the full story, so they are trying to find out what the other on is doing through me, and it is exhausting.

I said to myself yesterday that I wasnt going to get involved with other peoples crap, but I guess old habits die hard. 

I dont really need the stress, and they really need to sort this crap out themselves,  but they dont really listen to each other. I am hoping just to referee these this as they go.

Fingers crossed that things get better