Started my course

Well I have started my Certificate IV in Community Services Work and I am almost half way through my first assignment. I was a bit overwhelmed to start off with but I got over that feeling and I am going great guns at the moment. This course seems very interesting, and it is defiantly getting the brain juices going.

I am really glad that I decided to continue with studying and I am looking forward when the work experience rolls around. I am also looking forward to finishing this certificate and moving on to my diploma and then moving on to counselling.

I see myself with a lot of life experience and I am hoping that experience will help me through this course and future work.

Also things around home have been a bit different. DH and I have been arguing a bit lately...and it has me rethinking our relationship. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this but after everything that has happened this year I don't know want any more set backs, and I know I shouldn't do this but I keep thinking back about the affair and I don't want our family to suffer again.

We have finally moved in

Well as the boys are having a nap i thought that i would write an update.

On Saturday 19th March DH, Lachlan and I moved into our new place. It is a lot bigger then our last place and i am still getting used to the lots of space that we have. Most of the boxes that we have are unpacked, and we have finished setting up most of the rooms, which is good, and things with DH and myself seem to be going well, i am really hoping this move is a new start for us as i want nothing more then our lives to be normal again.


Yesterday I went out with my mum and grandma and of course Lachlan came with us. My Grandmother has come into a lot of money and really wants to give all her grand children some of it. I feel awful taking money from her, but she really wants to help us all out, and some of our furniture is falling apart as DH and i have moved 5 times in 6 years and she wants to replace it, so we are letting her, although i think i will still pay her back though.

Lachlan had his portraits today and he was really cute. The photographer loved him and thought that he was so cute that he gave us the photo shoot for free and 10% of anything we purchased. Also he wants to use Lachlan's photos in his ads which is awesome!!

Update from last post...and a little bit more

Things are a lot better from the last post. What ever was happening with Lachlan (i am guessing it was teething) that day, when ended up giving him bonjela and also 2 lots of panadol, which seemed to help, and mostly all he did all day was sleep, and he had a good sleep that night. Which was really good as mummy was tired.

Also come this Saturday we will be moving, it will be an interesting experience with Lachlan but i am hoping that my dad would be able to look after him, that is if he isn't too busy with my mum, as you know she has been unwell.

I am a little worried that Lachlan might be a little unsettled with the move, but i am sure it should be fine.

I am so looking forward to this move, I haven't been the person to talk about positive and negative energy, but recently i have been feeling bad energy in this place and i feel like i need t get away from it.

An update on a few bits and pecies

Last night could possibly be one of the worst nights ever!!!

We put Lachlan to be at 8.30pm like we always do, but last night he woke every 30 minutes - hour screaming. But when we picked him up to comfort him he was still asleep, I was really concerned as it sounded like someone was hurting him.

buy the end of it we had to bring him to bed as he just kept doing it, and because i didn't know what was causing this screaming i didn't want to give him panadol. When we did bring him to bed he was still unsettled but it did mean that we didn't have to get up and go to his room to calm him.

This morning he was still screaming but this time he was doing it while he was awake so i gave him some panadol and he slept for a bit and seems like a much happier boy since he work up. I am thinking that it might be due to teething, so i guess it is something that i have to get used to.

Also an update on home my mum is going. She has been in bed for over a week, but when i went over there yesterday she was out of bed and did eat something which was great as she hasn't eaten in a week. Although every family member has told her that if she gets worse she will either be going to the doctors or the hospital, she won't have a choice.

Todays a great day and no one can spoil it!

Today I got some great news about a friend of mine. I am not going to say what it is and it isn't my place to say it....But believe me it is some really great news!!!

So I got the message about the news this morning and the first thing I did was call her, after that my sister came over and looked after Lachlan for me so that DH and I could go out for a couple of hours by ourselves, which was nice.

We picked up some boxes so that we could start our packing. I am really excited about moving and I love that it is basically a new start again for us. It is a bigger place (3 bedroom) and we won't plan on moving from there until we want to buy our house, which will be when we are done having children. DH and I have always said that is when we will buy our house, and we have always said that we want our children to be close in age.

Wow i still can't get over this good news.

Ahhh why won't this get out of my head

Ok I am mostly doing this in hope that this will get out of my head.

I want another baby.

Deep down I know that this is the worst thing right now for DH and I (or it might not be). With everything that has been happening in terms of him having the affair, but in the back of my mind I am thinking that it could be a good, it could go with the new start that we are going to have when we move.

He has asked if we would still like to try for our second in November and when he asked this I told him that I didn't think it would be a good idea, but now I am having second thoughts about it.

DH and I always thought that we would have our kids only a couple of years apart as we didn't want a big gap. But the thought of not having that, and the thought of wanting to have another baby is taking over and I am reconsidering trying for another one in November.

Lachlan has been such a dream baby. A good sleeper, a good eater, and is doing so well in his development that it is an easy decision to want to have another one.

Like I said I am writing all this down in hope that it will get out of my head.

My Mother

My mother is a beautiful woman who I look up to and turn to when I am in need.

Something that most people don't know about is when she was a little girl growing up in Yorkshire England she got really sick. She had phenomena several times and also had scarlet fever, there was also a time when she needed to be rushed to hospital by ambulance in the icy cold weather because she couldn't breathe and the ambulance crashed going to the hospital due to the roads being to icy to travel. Due to being so sick most of the time, it put a strain on the body and the affects started to take hold and my mum ended up only having 1/2 lung capacity, in turn leaving her with basically only one functioning lung. The Doctors told my grandmother that she wouldn't live past her 21st birthday and would never be able to have children.

When she went to school, which was not a lot as she was mostly in hospital, she couldn't play outside with her friends just in case she got sick. And due to her being sick most of the time she never got to finish high school.

Due to my mum getting to sick in England, her parents decided to move to Australia when she was a teenager. So my grandparents, 3 uncles and my mother moved to NSW Australia.

My mum ended up living past her 21st and ended up having 4 beautiful babies.



When i was in primary school my mum decided to go to uni. She always wanted to go to school as she never got the chance. And when i was in high school she was studying Naval History, which she is still doing till this day, as she is now doing her Doctorate in Naval History.

While i was in high school i remember my mum getting really sick and i remember her being in bed for months, and she lost a lot of weight. From this memory i remember my dad taking me to my squad training, doing the shopping (badly as he never did it), taking my younger sister and i to school and also doing the cooking. One memory that really stands out is my dad and i being at my older sisters house and him crying and hugging my younger sister. I have never seen my dad so upset, and right there and then i knew that my mum was really sick.

As time went on my mum got better and once again started doing everything that she would normally do.

In the first couple of months of dating my husband my mum got sick again, but not as bad as she did while i was in high school. Now being older i understood a lot more about what was going on and broke down in front of him. I really wanted my mum to see me get married, to see me have children. At that time it might have been a bit of an over reaction as she recovered a lot quicker this time around.

As the years have gone on she has seen me get married and have my first child, but now once again she is sick. My dad rang me this morning to tell me that she isn't doing so well, and i felt like i knew already. For the couple of weeks she hasn't been herself and hasn't been eating. And when my dad called me this morning he told me that she was having trouble breathing.

Now my mother is stubborn (and if you ask my husband he would tell you that all us Dwyer women are) and she will never see a doctor unless something is broken, and that is also what she did for us kids as well. I have told my dad to give her an option, go to the doctors or be taken to hospital as that is what it is going to come to. She is using all her puffers and everything like that but that is like a band aid fix. I know that my mum is going to end up being on oxygen in the long run but i really wish if something like this happens she would do what she was told and go to the doctors.

I am really feeling like a little girl reading this. I feel like i am shrinking, being dress in a flower sun dress and my hair is being put into pig tails. I don't want my mummy to die, i want her to be around forever.

A nice day

I had a really nice day today. After i wrote that post yesterday i thought i needed to make some plans to get out of the house. So i made plans with my sister to go out for lunch, which was great and she always wants lots of hugs from Lachlan, so she takes him off my hands for a couple of hours.

Even though that we were only out for a coupe of hours, it was nice to see her and i told her about how i was feeling and she was more then happy to look after him. She is also coming over on Saturday to help out because....

WE ARE MOVING!!

We are moving to a 3 bedroom town house. It is awesome because it is a new start for us, it is away from where we are living now and with this new place it will be big enough for our family...and anyone new that comes around.

Once again feeling like i need alone time

Things have just been so hard today, Lachlan has been really trying, not wanting to settle and being really whiny. I have only just managed to get him down, but i don't know how long he will actually sleep.

I am just finding things hard. I don't have friends here in the real world, so i have no outlet to get out of the house and see other people. my sister, brother and parents are busy and i don't want to interfere with what they are doing. DH starts work at 4 in the morning and doesn't come home until after 2pm so it is just me and Lachlan.

Now don't get me wrong i love him to bits and i will probably be bawling my eyes out when i go back to work, but i need some alone time and i just don't get it at the moment...and i really need that.

I don't know what other mums do to get alone time (just asked the question in my birthing group on Bubhub), so once i know i will let you know.

Mardi Gras....Also in the world of Lachlan

With Marid Gras just passing, and with the message they are wanting to get across this year of same sex marriage it really makes you think.

My sister currently moved in with her best friend N and his boyfriend and when i brought my son over to see them they fell in love with him at first sight. Also on the today show this morning they had a story on 2 mums that have had quints.

I don't know what everyone else view is on this subject is but i think everyone has the right to marry their soul mate no matter if they are same sex couple or not. I would hate to be told that i couldn't marry the person that i loved, i don't know what i would do.

There is also beautiful same sex partners out there that are looking to expand their loving relationship by bringing a baby into their lives and the emotional rollercoster that they must go through to get that beautiful baby into their arms.

On the Bubhub forum there is a section that is dedicated to same sex couples, and from what i have read they a group of beautiful people that are really supportive. If there is anyone out there that is looking to add a beautiful baby to their relationship and is looking for some support or looking to just have a chat, here is the link http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=227

In the world of Lachlan, he wouldn't got to sleep unless i was holding him. I don't want it to become a habit so i have put him on his bear mat (which is a soft sleeping/playmat) and he has fallen asleep. Also Hamish my cat has curled up next to him which is really cute!

So exciting!!

Well i have a new laptop!!

DH and i decided that i needed to get a laptop due to me starting my course soon. I put the application in with the payment so i think i will get notified about it this week. I'm so excited about it!! I can't wait to start it!!

It has been so cold here the last couple of nights that we have needed to put Lachlan in his sleeping bag thing. I think he likes it as he is nice an warm.

Not a good start.

At about 1am this morning I woke up in enormous pain. My eyes were so sore and itchy and one of the works things were that I couldn't stop scratching them. I rushed down stairs and through everything out of the medicine cabinet in search of the panadol. When I finally found it I took too and then ran around the house and found some eye drops, all I wanted to do was cry but my eyes hurt too much to do that. Once going up to bed, and being the whimp I am I woke DH up and asked him to put them in. He was really good last night, he held me until I fell back to sleep so that I didn't scratch my eyes out.

On waking this morning I have been thinking that I must of had an allergic reaction to something, the only thing is I don't know what to. I am going to have to keep an eye on things and see how it goes. My eyes are still itchy today so I have kept up with the eye drops and I might go to the chemist tomorrow and see if I can take something else.

On the home front things have been going perfectly, and I am so happy with our progress. I understand there is still a long way to go, and there is no day soon that I will forgive DH for what he did, but he is making a good start to get his family back.

Lachlan has been doing really well and won't keep still lol. We have been thinking about starting solids soon and I can't wait!

Rolling everywhere

Well as the title suggests Lachlan has been rolling everywhere. Since he did it on the first time on the 24th of Feb it has been non stop. When it has been playtime and i put him on his back the first thing he does is go straight for his stomach. It is kind of exciting to watch him do it as it seems so easy for him now, where before it would take a couple of tries to get there.

The other issue we have been having is that he has been rolling over in his cot and has been putting his feet in between the bars of his cot. Since the first time is saw this i have been nightmares of him screaming in the middle of the night due to breaking his little legs in between the bars, so we bought a cot bumper today to give me a little piece of mind.

Also today my blog got added to Bubhub. Bubhub is Australia's leading pregnancy and parenting website. I offers Pregnancy advice, baby info, parenting advice. I have been a member of this website since August 2009 and i have met some great people who helped me through my time when i was trying to conceive, when i was pregnant with Lachlan and who are still helping me now. I have also met some life long friends now. If would like to be come a member or if you would like to just check out the website here it is. www.bubhub.com.au

Should i be thinking this way

Ok i have been home for 5 days and things have been perfect. I have been trying not to think about what he did and just focus on the now...and the now is good.

But one thing i have been thinking about is children. I want to have more and before i found out about what DH did we were talking about wanting more children and we were going to discuss when to start having them when Lachlan turned 1 in November.

With everything going on i don't know if i should be thinking like this, but i can't help it. DH is a great dad to Lachlan, even with all this going on, and i won't change my mind about that. And i do want more children and if there is a possibility i would love to have them with DH.

But i am getting too ahead of myself, i have to see how things go for a few more months. But i guess there is no harm in thinking about it.