Some Weight Loss Motivation

I need a plan...this has gone on too long...it is time for me to get off my butt and lose this weight!

Step 1: Self Assessment.

Determining exactly where I am at this moment.

BMI: 28.69 - overweight (which I knew just by looking at myself lol)

Waist to hip ratio: 0.91 - high risk

I see my hematologist every 6 months so I regularly get blood tests which includes BMI and liver function test (oh which reminds me I need to tell you what happened there), so I will be able to keep track on those. I would only have to see my GP to ask about other tests, like cholesterol, BSL, glucose etc. 

I also have to take into account underlying medical conditions, one of which is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). As you are already aware I have had problems with PCOS in the past, it has messed with my fertility with both of my two children, although with Lachlan I was unaware of the condition and managed to conceive him in 6 months. Although we weren't so lucky the second time around, and needed to turn to medication to help me ovulate, luckly the medication worked first time around and we got or miracle, Charlotte. 

I have tried to lose weight before, when I found out I had PCOS, I went to the gym, got a personal trainer, started to eat healthy and I really put effort in, but I didn't see any results, which really depressed me, which saw me stopping as I got really down about things.

I also suffer from depression, which let me tell you is a real motivation killer. I can't control when I will have bad days, I can only improve them, which I try to do but it is really difficult. 

Another medical condition I might have is something to do with my liver. I saw my hematologist and my live test were extremely high. I have gone for an ultrasound and another blood test and will need to go and see my GP to get the results, I am hoping to go sometime this week. 

Although it is not a medical condition, I am still going to write this here. Charlotte is a big part of my lack of motivation as things sometime don't go to plan with her as her reflux can cause us to have majorly long holding sessions.

Step 2: Goal settings

I have set goals before but I have never reached them...I really wish I did because maybe I wouldn't be writing this blog, I might be writing one instead about my smoking hot new body lol. 

So my goals. 

My first goal is going to be small, I just want to lose 5kg...God I will jump up and down with excitement if I lose 5kg! At least if I lose 5kg (or even 2) I will know that I can do it, and that it is worth it. 

My second goal would be thin enough to feel comfortable going to a beach. We are really wanting to take a family holiday in November when M has time off and I don't want to feel the need to sit on on the side lines and think about the fun I could be having if I was thinner, I want to be having that fun then and there.

Ideally I would love to get down to my perfect weight range, whatever that might be, but I will know it when I see myself in the mirror and I feel comfortable in my own body, then I will know it.

I am also thinking of giving myself little rewards after meeting goals for myself. Not food obviously, but little rewards like a new piece of clothing, getting my hair done, a message, something just to feel good about myself, which in turn will keep me motivated.

Step 3: Diet Plan

I know with my PCOS I need to eat Low GI so there is a perfect start for myself, but depending on what is going on with my liver I could be needing to something different there as well, but if I don't have a problem with my liver I have been thinking about going on a body trim type of diet. 

Some of the girls in the November group have tried it and they have had great success, losing great numbers. I would really like to try this and just see the numbers drop off, I know it would be hard work to keep to the diet plan (the first 3 days will be just protein), but I really want this now, I really need to do this for me. I really don't want to us the drugs next time I try for a baby, I want to try and do it naturally, and if I do have to us the drugs, I want to be able to say to myself that I gave it a fair go. 

It will also be fun trying different recipes out as I really am enjoying cooking lately. 

Step 4: Exercise Plan

I have set up an exercise plan including strength and cardio work outs, which I have put together in 5 week blocks, so my body can adjust to the work outs and so I can also perfect them before moving to the next stage. 

I have also sussed out some perfect walking locations so that I can take the pram along with me, so when Charlotte is restless she can view the beauty which is the ocean. 

When I start my exercise plan, I will blog what I am doing. 

Step 5: Motivation and Support

This is the big step that I am sure that everyone struggles with. I know that I have always struggle with this, and I have always had a hard time finding support to help me along with this. 

I have told M that this is what I want to do, and I really need his support as this is something for me this time (I am so used to putting everyone first and J (my shrink) has told me to something for me, for a change). I am just hoping that he can stay motivated and support me through this. 

As in motivation I am looking up some motivational quotes that will hopefully motivate me to lose some kgs, then hopefully losing the weight and rewarding myself to keep the weight loss coming. 

well fingers crossed...that it happens. 

Step 6: Monitoring Progress

I am going to set a Weight in/measurement day...probably starting on a Monday morning (seeing as that is going to be tomorrow and the day I start). 

I am going to take both weight and measurements as if I don't lose kgs, I might have lost centimeters...which is still a lost, and really I will be happy with whatever lost I get!!

Step 7: Reassessment

After 5 weeks (when I move up to my next exercise program) I will reassess my whole plan, I will go over everything and see what is working and what isn't, because every plan needs to be tweaked every now and then. 

It will also give me the opportunity to implement any new things I pick up along the way.

Step 8: Maintenance

The final step that will complete my weight loss journey. 

When I reach that perfect weight, I will need to maintain that weight. I know it sounds like a hard thing to do, but I am sure going through the weight loss I will gain so much knowledge that I will know exactly what to do when I get there.

But I don't really need to think about that right know as I am only just starting out. 


 So here is to a new start, and to the weight loss journey a head.  

Exhausted

I am physically and mentally exhausted. The moment I think I am on top of something, everything comes crashing back down again. 

I needed to ring Dr G this morning, because once again Charlotte's new formula is not working and it is making her vomit once again. In the back of my mind when he said for us to try this other formula I knew it wasn't going to work for us as it didn't work the first time around, but I thought I would give it the benefit of the doubt as I am very much into "Whatever it takes" right now. But low and behold I should have gone with my mummy instincts and told Dr G that it wasn't going to work for her and that we should try something else. 

Why can't things just be easy for Charlotte, why can't she just be given some kind of break for once...because in turn this would give me a break. 

I know that I am her mother, and I love her to bits, and I would never want to give her up, but...I really need a break. All this constant crying and whinging is really getting to me. The crying and the whinging has been the one constant in her life, and in my life since she was born...and I know that she can't help it, and that she has no other way to communicate, but I really just wish it would stop. I feel like I am going crazy.

There is a lot of people, mainly M who say that I should have a break from her, but it is really hard for me to let anyone else take over. I feel as though that they won't be able to handle here and that my break will be short lived and they will constantly call me or message me asking questions or asking when I will be coming back. Or when  I do come back I will hear them whinge and complain about her and how she was with them, and I don't really want that, I don't want to put people in the same situation I am in if I don't have too. 

So here I am...exhausted, and here I will stay. 
 

Hopefully one step closer....

Charlotte had an appointment with Dr G today and he confirmed what we already knew which was that Charlotte has a cow milk protein allergy plus a soy allergy. Again we are trying a new formula (I know it would be so much easier if I was breastfeeding), which we need to trial for2 weeks, and if things go well we will get a prescription for it and we will continue on that until she can change to a non soy non dairy milk (lol).

Last night was also hellish for me as well as Charlotte was up every hour after 11.30pm and then at 3.30am she was up every 5-10 minutes, so I am utterly exhausted and it doesn't help that I have a cold that doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I know it is not much of an update but I feel like crap (LOL)

Poor Charlie bear is sick

As you can see Charlie is sick. The doctor seems to think that she has gastro, but I am not so sure as no one else is sick. She has had diarrhea for 4 days now, but other then that she has been perfectly happy. She is still taking her bottle and attempting to eat her solids (but that is another problem totally unrelated), but she has this diarrhea that doesn't seem to want to go away at this stage. 

A friend of my from my online BH Nov group suggested that it might be toddlers diarrhea I have never heard of it before, so if things haven't improved with her by the time we see the Dr G (her pediatrician) on the 19th March I might mention it to him. Other then that we will be going back to the GP tomorrow to see what useless thing they can come up with this time...I really have little faith in the GP we saw on Tuesday, but unfortunately the one we usually see was away.

I am really hoping that Charlotte can get a break sometime soon as this poor little one has been through enough already.

Let go of your past, as your past has let go of you.

I had a really good session today with J (if you have forgotten, she is my psychologist), we had a bit of a chat to start off with and talked about how things were going with Charlotte, as I had mentioned to her about the different things that had been good on. She said that she had noticed that I looked a lot calmer and that I had also had lost some weight (yay go me!). 

As we moved on with the session we discussed the possibility of me trying hypnosis. I kind of laughed about the idea and asked if she was going to make me bark like a chicken and she laughed, then turned to me and said that its actually bark like a duck. After our laughter subsided we actually talked about the benefits of trying hypnosis, and how it is not like you see on TV. J said that I would have complete control and that if I didn't like any thing she said I could come back and we could stop. 

I thought for a moment and said what the hell...I am sure it wouldn't do any harm. So I say on the couch and closed my eyes and went for it. I can't really remember everything see said while I was under hypnosis, but one thing did stay with me. J said that we can't change our past and that we need to let go of our past, as our past has let go of you. 

It really stuck with me through the whole session and it really got me thinking. I know I have talked a bit about my past with J (and blogged about it here), but I have always talked to her about how I don't want it to define who I am, that I want to be about confront it and not be afraid of it, but I have never talked to her about forgetting it and just letting go. This basically gives me a whole new way of thinking about it. 

Do I really want to forget about it and let go of it forever? 

If I do let go and forget about it, how do I go about doing it?

Something really to think about for I see her again in 2 weeks.

Keeping Calm

What I have learned about being a reflux mum is that you need to have a lot of patients and to breathe. Things can be really hard when Charlotte is being refluxy, sometimes all she wants is to be held and walked around the house continuously, which can be really hard if you are sore and tried, but that is where that patients comes in.

Today I have started to retrain her in terms of sleep. There was a period there where we would have to rock her to get her to sleep because putting her down in the cot would just bake her scream! So today I was putting her down in her cot with her dummy (say what you will but my kids get dummies) and walked out of the room. The first time around it was successful! I did a little happy dance knowing that it worked, for her second sleep of the day it wasn't so good. It took a bit more then 30 minutes for her to get off to sleep, and that was were the breathing came into play. I made sure that while I was up stairs out side her bedroom, giving her some time to calm down and go to sleep on her own, that I kept busy. I stretched and did some exercise. I went up and down the stairs a couple of times, I did some lunges in the hallway as well as some other leg exercises and went in to replace her dummy during the intervals. It worked out really well.

Tonight was pretty much the same and it took her a couple of times to get her off to sleep, but thankfully I am one of the lucky ones and Charlotte tends to sleep all the way through the night. There has only been a couple of nights where she has been really bad and it has taken some serious rocking, shhhing and patting to get her off to sleep. 

Lachlan has also officially given up naps. Before he was just having them at childcare and they were lasting an hour, but now he has stopped. It is kind of a good thing as he sleeps really well at night when he doesn't have a nap during the day, and a happy baby at night is a happy mummy at night. 

 

Touched

This song has touched me so much this morning. The words he has sung has made me think about my Jensen and my other angles that I didn't get a chance to meet. 

I will hold my earth babies close xx